Global Divorce Community For Divorce Support & Advice
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Divorce Network
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Real Stories. Real Support.
Divorce Network is the only true interactive community for all affected by or experiencing break-ups or divorce.
Real-world, person-to-person tips from thinking about divorce to marrying again. Dedicated to providing support, resources, advice and even a little humor from experts, our staff, and all of our member community.
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MomOfTwo (13 hours ago)
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tjb942us (15 hours ago) Forgiveness....yes that is my biggest obstical, I thought I was progressing in that direction then...I found out that they have been seeing eachother for months and she even moved back to CO to be with him. I have such an intense hatred for her, she took advantage of our situation. I tell myself they are perfect for eachother, her first husband left her due to her cheating and my husband cheated on me. I really want to get past all this anger, I have been through therapy and it helped to a point (showed me that it wasn't all my fault like my ex kept telling me it was). I begining to think that I need to return to church and God. I think its important that my boys see me forgive and get past all this anger that I have towards their dad and this woman. Part of me wants to hate her forever.
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MomOfTwo to (3 days ago) KellyBelly - I just bought this CD and when I heard this song I immediately thought of you and how painful this part of the process is. Music has always been an outlet for me, so I started a new blog to share songs like this one. Maybe when you listen to it you will find hope and strength to help get through this difficult time.
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kellybelly3995 (3 days ago) Yhank you so much, for your support and thoughts.
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Thinkitsover (3 days ago) Things are a mess. I'm 36 years old and married almost 7 years (will be this July). But our marriage has fallen apart. My husband has never learned how to communicate, disregards my opinions on a subject matter or what we should do, he avoids problems when tehy are small until they escalate into bigger ones. While he loves his son, I feel like a single mom and have found myself craving affection. I've basially felt lonely. I have struggled and worked so hard to try to work at this marriage to be told over and over again by my husband that the problems we have are all my fault and that I need to change but not matter WHAT I have done or tried to do, he still witholds affection, communication. I have been a stay at home mom for the last 4 years with no steady income. I have recently started up my own business, but it's new. I have no doubt it will progress. There isn't much full time employment where I am currently living. My husband is "self employed" and has been paying the bills (struggling our entire relationship actually). But, we are a financial diasaster. He has not given me money to file the taxes and we have not filed since 2006 (with 2009 it will be three years). During that time we had an ARM mortgage in my name that we sold short to get out from under. In addition, although we will be marreid almost 7 years this July, despite my prodding and filling out forms my husband has not filed for legal status in this country and is basically an illegal immigrant. Our cars are registered in my name, one of which as a $500/month payment on that on my own I can't afford and we can barely afford now and a VOlvo that is , well not very reliable. But this marriage is unhealthy and i need to file income taxes married filing seperately to protect myself from his lack of not filing/fines etc. IN addition, how do I get a divorce and support myself and move out on my own with no steady regular income and how can I get spousal and child support from him if he has no legal status and no income taxes to show income or lack thereof. Knowing that he is giving up on this marriage I do not want to live under the same roof with him, it's too painful. Any advice. I live in the state of PA. Can I apply for public assistance while I get on my feet (even if I'm not legally divorced and filed income taxes seperately and my husband dind't file). Has anyone else found themselves in this situation?
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DivorceNetwork (3 days ago) DivorceNetwork's own DivorceCoachLori offers this FREE teleclass in February: Fall in Love with Yourself!: The second workshop is scheduled on Monday evening, February 15th as a Teleclass! Fall in Love with Yourself! This introductory workshop is primarily for women to start focusing on your one true love, no, it’s not the Mr. Right or Mr. Soulmate, it is YOU! If you don’t love you, it’s almost impossible to have someone else fall in love with you. The time to start is NOW. This teleclass is FREE and I’m thrilled to offer it. If you enroll in the class, I will also send you the audio of the class, to share with others, and you may ask me questions ahead of time, to make sure they get answered!
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DivorceNetwork (3 days ago) DivorceNetwork.com is happy to announce a new Featured Expert on our site. Paul McGinniss, owner of Divorce Coaching For Men LLC, joins our team of experts to provide insightful blogs, articles and advice on our Fencepost to DN members. With a background in corporate HR and coaching, when Paul experienced his own divorce he searched for resources to deal with some of the unique issues facing men and was unable to find them. The result is the creation of his 7-step program, “The Seven Steps to Survive the Fog of Divorce”, which provides meaningful and real-life support for maneuvering through this difficult life experience. Read more about Paul’s program here:
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AmeliaApple to kellybelly3995 (4 days ago) kellybelly3995...welcome to this site! Although I have not gone through exactly what you are going through right now, I can tell you that this site has been so helpful for me. Being a mother is the single most important thing anyone can do. I am not one myself, but without my mother...I would be lost. You are not a failure in any way, of that I am sure. Use this site and the people on it to help you find your way through this difficult time and please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I may not have had your experience, but I am willing to listen. Take care! AA
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kellybelly3995 (3 days ago) Thank you Amelia, and your right I would not want anything more then to be the best mom I can. Thats the scary part, because I want to be strong, and its hard. I never want to lose my children, because their father is happy and content with his decision. However, how do you learn to accept the other women who has taken your place, and forgive. I know if I can do that it would be the best thing in the world for my kids.
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MomOfTwo (4 days ago) I agree with AA - you are not alone and you certainly aren't a failure. Being a good homemaker and mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world and is often unappreciated. I do know some of the pain you are feeling when your children say things. I'm not sure what the ages of your children are, but sometimes flashy things like Dad taking them out places, eating out, and all the things you may not be able to afford to do, or have time to do seem more important to them now than how much they are loved by you. But they will realize this. It is a good time to point out "material" things in life vs. love, family, etc. It also sounds like you do need some help to get yourself onto healing. DivorceCoachLori on this site has some excellent materials to help you move past this period, regardless of the circumstances. Hang in there and try to find the blessings in your life and hold them close to your heart.
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DivorceCoachLori to CJUtgard (4 days ago) Wow, you are so impressive to get on line here and see the help you need! Good for you! Your mom needs to see if she can get a "guardian ad litem" for you, or a "CASA - court appointed special advocate" to represent your point of view. Every state is different, I don't know what the law is in Maine, but most states have a way for kids your age to be heard. Also, your mom could try filing a "custody/visitation modification" if an attorney thinks she has enough evidence to do that. Have your mom talk to an attorney and give her those terms I gave you and see what she can do. Let her know that although this might cost her money, the court might order him to pay for it too.
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DivorceCoachLori to Default_2010 (4 days ago) I don't know how long you've been married, but you need to remember, Arizona is a community property state, which generally means split in half, everything. If he is only wanting $25,000 from the sale of the house or you get a home equity/loan to pay him off, you might seriously think about taking it. You can stay in your home. Usually a Judge will sign whatever you put infront of him/her. Go get a consultation with a divorce attorney, just do the consult and know your rights. You can't afford not to if you are retiring in a few years.
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AmeliaApple (5 days ago) So...I thought we had everything arranged. My husband just told me that he a) forgot that we were meeting with the counselor tonight and b) that he can't make it. :-( So, we aren't going tonight.
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MomOfTwo (4 days ago) just saw the blog & commented there. Keep smiling.
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AmeliaApple (5 days ago) I rescheduled for next week. New post in the blog. :-)
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MomOfTwo (5 days ago) Oh no. :( I hope there was a legitimate reason that he can't make it. I know this was the first really positive step he was taking. Hang in there...and reschedule!
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AmeliaApple to DivorceCoachLori (6 days ago) Thank you for taking the time to respond. One of the things that triggered this consideration in me is the fact that I finished my Ph.D., have only one job that I love, and, for whatever reason, have started to examine myself, looking what I need in a relationship, and have become much more involved in my spiritual path. In the past, I’ve been a fulltime Ph.D. candidate working on coursework and writing my dissertation, fulltime employee at one company and had a part-time job elsewhere to make everything work financially (this while my husband was only a fulltime student…he kept complaining that he didn’t have enough time to do his work, so we decided it was best for him to just be a fulltime student). Sometimes I think I might resent him for this even though we made the decision together. I was just sick of hearing him complain about not having enough time. He now makes comments about how he slacks off and about how he doesn’t have enough time for his school work…it’s confusing to me. The best way to sum-up some of the issues in our relationship include: communication, validation, compassion and care giving, intimacy, and he has a bit of an anger problem, although it is only toward inanimate objects (hitting things)…there have been a few times, though, that he has done this in close proximity to me and it scared me quite a bit. He is also not terribly comfortable with the fact that I am going through a personal and spiritual “growth spurt” right now. It makes him anxious. What have we done: I’ve gone to a counselor alone trying to work through some issues and thinking that I could do all the work myself (I’ve since then realized that I cannot do the work for both of us); I’ve tried to talk to him about things…this usually ends up in a fight of some sort, although we recently had a very constructive discussion; and he has reluctantly agreed to go to a marriage counselor with me this Wednesday. So that’s a start. I don’t think my husband thinks the marriage should be over, but he does say things like, “Do you want this marriage to be over?” and, “Is this your opening line to asking for a divorce?” It’s said as kind of a threat, but I think he is just nervous about me changing. I’d like to read your article about the spiritual ramifications of staying or leaving a marriage. I can give you an email address privately if you want to send it to me.
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DivorceCoachLori (4 days ago) My private email is lori@attorney-coach.com and you can send it to me there. How did the marrige counseling go yesterday? I think it's harder when you are not on the same page. Have you ever read anything by Gary Zukov? He has a book called "Seat of the Soul", it is a very spirtual life lesson book, talking about the purpose of relationships, why we are here on earth, etc. Then he has another book, I can't remember the name, but it is all about the "old fashioned man and the new fashioned woman and all the variations that go with that. What you are experiencing right now is that when you got married, you agreed to play certain roles and you are changing that now "without his consent" well, spiritually he agreed but he doesn't know it! :-) ok, I just saw off to the side that you have a blog about counseling alone. I'm going to read it now.
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AmeliaApple to DivorceCoachLori (7 days ago) DivorceCoachLori....MomOfTwo said that she talked to you and it was very helpful...so I hope you don't mind me asking. I've read some on your blogs, but I wanted to ask about how you know when you want to leave a marriage? Especially when it isn't for reasons of abuse or alcoholism? I'm very confused about my relationship right now. He isn't a bad person, there are things he does that concern me, but over all he is a good husband. I'm just not sure at what point you know that you want and need the marriage to be over. I know there won't be a simple, clear answer, but any advice you can provide is greatly appreciated. AA
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DivorceCoachLori (7 days ago) You are right! There is no clear answer, so in general, I always recommend that people do what they can to see if they can make their marriage work, so they can know when it is over that they did everything they can. That's just a very general rule. Can you tell me more about why you are thinking about leaving and what you have done to try to resolve the issues/problems? Does your husband also think that the marriage should be over? I once did an interview about the spiritual ramifications of staying or leaving a marriage. It was very interesting. I will try to find it and maybe that would help you. Lori
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AmeliaApple (1 week ago) More and more I’m realizing that you can do very little to influence the course of your life and how it will progress...and this isn't a bad thing. All you can do is move forward, try to make the most of every, precious moment, and remember that you will always regret more of what you don’t do than of what you do.
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AmeliaApple (1 week ago) My weekend alone is coming to an end and it has been a very positive experience. I'll be writing a post on my blog about it when I get home. In the mean time, I wanted to share a book with all of you: When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times (1996) by Pema Chodron. She is a Buddhist nun. Please don't think about this book in terms of religion (I am still Christian even though I study this philosophy and meditate). It is advice on how to view pain and confusion in our lives in a positive experience that will open our hearts to become more compassionate toward ourselves and others and to stop trying to hold on to those things that are inherently impermanent. Here is a quote that I love: "If we are willing to give up hope that insecurity and pain can be exterminated, then we have the courage to relax with the groundlessness of our situation."
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MomOfTwo (1 week ago) I'm so glad you were able to get away. It sounds like it was a good thing to give you some time to just contemplate and connect with yourself. Very interesting quote.
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LOR (1 week ago) So would you recommend a separation first before a divorce? My husband of 16 years does not. He does not understand how a separation will help us. In my mind it can serve two purposes: make you realize how much you miss him and need him in your life or how much happier you are without him in your life. Currently we are in the same household and never speak to each other. He is downstairs and I am upstairs. This is not healthy for us or kids. I would rather be apart and have a reason why we are not talking. Please advice...
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MomOfTwo (1 week ago) I agree with Lulun...a separation can be a good thing before moving to a divorce. My ex and I didn't separate because he didn't want to leave our children, but we did arrange different rooms for us and it enabled us some time alone...but also time to talk through things. In the end, although it was my suggestion, he agreed that we were better off moving on with a divorce. After 16 years, there should be no hurry to proceed. Taking time to be sure that your issues cannot be resolved is an important step in the process. BTW, my children were very young, so I did need to explain that "Daddy and I aren't getting along very well right now, and we need some time to work through some of these problems." That was enough at their young age.
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Lulun (1 week ago) I would highly recommend it, given the reasons you mentioned. I separated from my ex before divorcing. We had been separated for a few months, where I had time to really think about our issues and how I had contributed to them. Once we decided to give it another try and started discussing the issues that had us fighting to begin with, all he could see where my flaws which he magnified and did not even acknowledge that he had made one mistake throughout our relationship. It was like all his insecurities, flaws, mistakes (even ones that he made before he met me) were my fault. At that point, I had decided that what I needed, more than what I wanted was a divorce and being separated made it clearer and easier to cope with the divorce process.
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AmeliaApple (1 week ago) You ever have one of those days where you feel all you have done is wrong and that you are "crazy"? What is crazy anyway? I was recently told I was "emotionally strung-out". I think that is actually the best way to describe the way I'm feeling. My retort is, however, at least I'm trying to work on things to make them better. Is that crazy? My view, and it very well may be wrong, is that most people are so complacent and don’t make the commitment to truly figure out what they need in a relationship. Is working on yourself and relationships crazy if it makes you a little “emotionally strung-out”? I think that is part of the process…it’s like cleaning your house. You can’t really get it clean if you don’t empty out the closet…right?
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AmeliaApple (1 week ago) I'm happy that perhaps I'm not crazy...it's daunting and emotionally tiring work to take an honest look at yourself and your relationships. I realize that part of our problem is me and there are elements of who I am that I need to acknowledge, embrace even if I don't like them, and I must learn to peacefully exists with them. I need a partner that will not only work on our relationship to make it better, but can also give me the space to do the work I need to do on myself.
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BlondesHaveMoreFun (1 week ago) My ex made the comment "you're not happy unless there are issues to talk about". I disagreed...I wasn't happy BECAUSE there were issues and I was tired of ignoring them. You are not crazy...when something in your gut is saying it isn't right...then it isn't right. So he needs to be a partner and work through it with you.
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DivorceNetwork (2 weeks ago) JOKE OF THE DAY: A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes, I do," she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?" "Yes, I remember." "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?'" "Yes, I do," she said. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."
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DivorceCoachLori (7 days ago) ugh!!!!
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AmeliaApple (2 weeks ago) Topic of discussion...have you ever had so much anger at someone that you just don't know when you will stop thinking about it? I don't know if it is the same for others, but when I'm hurt or mad about something, the little voice in my head just doesn't seem to want to "let it go". It's a paradox. I want to forget it and move on, but my brain isn't finished yet.
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MomOfTwo (2 weeks ago) ok, if you tell me next that you "Play out" the conversations with him out loud when driving in the car...reacting to each thing he says - until you realize that the driver next to you at the stoplight is looking at you like maybe you lost your mind....Then I'm going to think I have a long-lost twin in Texas. ;)
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MomOfTwo to AmeliaApple (2 weeks ago) I read your latest blog post...it's good to see you found some support and can feel comfortable now reaching out to some friends. My best friend was a godsend during my "thinking about it" stage...being very honest with me where she saw me contributing to the issues and not just always "taking my side". It really helped me to evaluate if I had done all that I could to resolve the issues. I hope your weekend alone can help you in this process.
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tjb942us (2 weeks ago) My best friends have been my rock through this process the "thinking about it" stage is the most difficult. Your friends see things from a different perspective than your family and they know you on a different level. It is great to have someone to vent to.
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MomOfTwo (2 weeks ago) Yea, I hear you. My parents "sided" with my first husband (who worked for my dad at the time)- because they said they wouldn't support me in the divorce if I wouldn't explain to them the reasons why. I didn't want to cost him his job & his marriage. 5 years later, as his alcoholism caused him to repeatedly have situations at work, my dad had to fire him. At this point, they tried to say, they understood. I explained to them the concept of "unconditional love" for their children...apparently they missed that lesson in parenting class! ;) Everyone from the outside can provide feedback and opinions but at the end of the day, it is your life to lead...and if they love you, the biggest thing they need to provide is support.
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AmeliaApple (2 weeks ago) The realization that I can trust people who know me has been very helpful in relieving my stress about the issue. I tend to be one of those people that do not trust others about my personal life. I don't think talking to my family is terribly helpful, though. My mom...perhaps, but my dad tends to have the archaic beliefs that you should just “stand by your man” and not cause a fuss. It’s quite entertaining at times.
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tjb942us (2 weeks ago) My soon ex husband decided to have the divorce talk via text message, I could not believe it! I have asked him many times to sit down with me so we can talk about it and he decides to avoid conflict and emotion and text me!? I was surprised.
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AmeliaApple (2 weeks ago) This is atrocious behavior! No matter what has transpired in a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, breaking up in a text is unacceptable! On the positive side, at least, perhaps, this provides greater insight into is "maturity" level and ability to be in a successful relationship. I'm so sorry you had that happen.
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MomOfTwo (2 weeks ago) OMG! How old is he...13? My niece has had boyfriends break up with her via text, but a grown man in a 16 year marriage should know better. Good luck to you in making it through this process.
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AmeliaApple (2 weeks ago) So my husband has reluctantly agree to see a marriage counselor with me...he isn't happy about it. He keeps telling me that he doesn't understand why we have to keep talking about it and that we've been talking about it forever (3 months at most). He says that we should only have to talk about it once or twice and then just do it...is that reasonable? I don't feel like our conversations are resolving anything. Am I being unreasonable? I'm trying to fix things, but he is so resistant. Is his resistance to working on our marriage a warning sign? He told me he would go with me to the counselor, but he knew it would just be a bitch session about him because there was nothing specific he could think of about his perception of me in the relationship. Is this nonsense? I'm so sad and scared. Am I doing the right thing to keep pushing to try to figure this out? Please help! AA
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MomOfTwo (2 weeks ago) AA - I know it's scary, but even a reluctant attendance is better than no attendance. Sometimes counseling can be a way to bring out the good things too...to have you remember why you made this commitment to this person in the first place. Sometimes with the aid of that unbiased 3rd party, you can share your feelings in a guided manner that maybe he will understand better. Counselors can also teach you how to use "I statements" when talking to each other, that tend to not put the other person on the defense and have it end up in an argument, where even though you've "talked about it a million times" you've never resolved it. If you go into it with your eyes open and not thinking that one counseling session is going to solve everything...and that you can address a few concerns and get him to keep an open mind about attending a few sessions, then I think you could be off to a good start! Good luck!
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john (2 weeks ago) Its common for spouses not to be on the same page as to the need for counseling. If you have a good one, they will help him see the necessity. Don't make it a bitch session, make it about how the marriage can improve for mutual benefit. When he can see this is for both of you and not just to gripe about his shortcomings he'll be more willing to participate. Good Luck.
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AmeliaApple (3 weeks ago) Thank goodness it is Friday!
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MomOfTwo (2 weeks ago) I hear that one! BTW, I think your Blog should be your daily journal...it is very insightful. And as I scheduled my over-due massage for this weekend...I can TOTALLY appreciate the gift of a day at the spa...even if it was a little overdue. Sounds like he IS trying!
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MomOfTwo (3 weeks ago) Confessions of an ex wife today. I love decorating. I love making the home a beautiful place. I grew up with TONS of nick-nacks and junk everywhere...so I like things very neat and clean. During counseling I found out that my way of dealing with anger & hurt on the inside, is to make everything perfect on the outside....not a bad habit, but detrimental to those who DONT. This comic made me laugh, but a bit too much truth to it. Now as a single mom, I have had to lower some of my standards, because there just aren't enough hours in the day. Don't get me wrong, I still would RATHER have things clean and it makes me feel good when they are, but if the laundry sits unfolded in the baskets for a few days...where everyone can see....well, so what. The hardest thing about living with someone else is the little daily annoyances, but if we realize that we're let things go too sometimes, it would allow us to let others do so as well. Ironically, I will probably pay the price as my current boyfriend is actually more of a neat freak than I am. The phrase, "Be careful what you wish for" comes to mind! :)
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MomOfTwo (3 weeks ago) LOL - well at least you get some exercise out of it! :) Nice chatting with you today! bye
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AmeliaApple (3 weeks ago) Cute! I'm the same way...I compensate and deal with things by tending to the outside...my mechanisms are exercising, cleaning, and coffee.
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OurFamilyWizard (3 weeks ago) Just checking this site out for the first time. Seems very cool.
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DivorceNetwork (3 weeks ago) According to a 2006 survey by CNN 32% of workers said they had a work spouse. The definition is that the relationship is platonic with the intimacy of marriage but without the sex or commitment. The relationship is characterized by unusual openness, honesty, shared experiences and special confidences. Many people have a work spouse; someone they talk to at work, relying on for support, advice, and sometimes even flirting. The very phrase is odd considering they are obviously not married, and most have real spouses at home. However, there is some question as to whether having a work spouse is cheating. In many cases, such a person is no more than a friend to lean on at work that happens to be of the opposite sex. Some flirting may occur, but this can happen between perfectly platonic friends as well. Everyone appreciates attention, and it doesn't always mean it will go further than friendly banter. What's your opinion? To weigh in on the He Said, She Said follow the link below.
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LOR (3 weeks ago) Anyone open to offering advice. I dont know what to do. In a 15 year marriage to a great man whom I am not happy with......LOR
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LOR (3 weeks ago) Thank you Happy Haskett. I am glad I am not alone and the only one going through this process. Your words have helped. I need to do my pros and cons list, maybe a temporary separation will help me decipher which way to go. LOR
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HappyHaskett (3 weeks ago) I have been in your shoes. Happily married for years and then all of a sudden (or so it seemed), I was not happy, not feeling the love and def didnt know what to do. I went in the wrong direction, unfortunately. I gravitated towards a man who gave me all kinds of attention, compliments and then began comparing him to my husband. For me, it was the reality of what it would do to my children and the fact that we had been together so long, but I hadnt tried to fix the problem.......that made me deal with it. It certainly wasnt easy. Heck, its still not always easy. But we are working our way back to what we had. Talking.......lots and lots of communication......that and lots of prayer, those are the things that are helping us to heal our relationship!
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MomOfTwo (3 weeks ago) LOR - it is hard when you feel you are changing and your partner is staying the same. John's experience with divorce isn't everyones. Although my husband didn't initially want a divorce, as we continued to talk through it, he supported my decision and we came to agreeable terms. Lots of compromise...and if you are the one wanting out, sometimes you may make more. But it's not all blood-thirsty lawyers out there...mine was good, honest & fair. The start is the two of you. But be careful that this is the right decision for you. I just lost my mom in October, and it is still in my mind & heart. You look through your life, start to think of things with regret that you didn't do, wonder if your life will turn out like theirs, so many things going through your head. In addition, the one thing I read "between the lines" in your story is that you think your husband isn't making you happy, but someone else could. Leaving one relationship to "find yourself" in another is a recipe for disaster. I was told the same thing...and didn't listen. After my first divorce, I had a 2-year relationship and then after a very short period of dating, met my second husband. I was so "ready" to be married & start a family that I ignored many of the things that said he & I didn't have what it takes to have a lasting marriage. You may want to try adding other things to your life (things you may have always wanted to try and haven't) that can fill that void that you think is your relationship...maybe it is, and maybe it isn't.
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jcitocdfa (3 weeks ago) Just finished publishing "11 Questions the Recently Divorced Should Ask a Financial Advisor BEFORE they Hire One"
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john (3 weeks ago) I didn't notice it on your site...
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john (3 weeks ago) Your link is broke it should be J Cito, CDFA. In my experience lawyers can be sloppy with money, commingling, ignoring tax issues, even incompetent and erroneous use of spreadsheets.
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AmeliaApple (4 weeks ago) Good quote: "What other people think of you is none of your business." ~wish I knew the author :-)
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MomOfTwo (3 weeks ago) that is a good quote but a hard one to live by. We are always so concerned about what others think! And usually when we try to guess....we're wrong and they weren't even thinking it!
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HappyHaskett (4 weeks ago) Thankful for the new job!
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dArtagnan (4 weeks ago) Congratulations!!!!!
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MomOfTwo (13 hours ago) tjb - Forgiveness is a tough one, but it does sound like you've forgiven the most important person...you. Sometimes we feel like it was our failure that led our spouse to someone else, but that was there choice. It is important to "own up" to our own failings in the marriage, learn from them and then let go. I think that religion can help us in a time like this as thinking of others instead of ourselves, being a community, and being thankful for our blessings that we do have can all make our problems seems smaller. From the way you describe your husband, he treated you very poorly, so there is no need to hate her. She will likely be experiencing the same thing as you when he tires of having a "real" relationship and looks for his next "escape". Good luck.