Global Divorce Community For Divorce Support & Advice
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Divorce Network
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Real Stories. Real Support.
Divorce Network is the only true interactive community for all affected by or experiencing break-ups or divorce.
Real-world, person-to-person tips from thinking about divorce to marrying again. Dedicated to providing support, resources, advice and even a little humor from experts, our staff, and all of our member community.
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DivorceNetwork (1 week ago) What types of support did you turn to during your divorce, separation or break-up? Did an online community help you? Tell us your story!
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DivorcedMark (2 weeks ago) I am finding it is weird to be divorced during the summer. Living in Ohio, the summer is when my ex and I would get along best and do the most together (winter is long and cabin fever contributed to our fighting). I am trying to enjoy my summer but I keep coming across memories of the times we had together.
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superdad (4 weeks ago) I saw this ad on Craiglist for an audiobook called "5 hour Divorce Power. It taught me everything I needed to know to litigate my divorce. If I had known what I learned from that 5 hour CD I would've fired my attorney months ago, or at least been able to ask him the right questions so I would've known he didn't care about my case. The CD was only $20.00--it anybody is looking to understand the family court process e-mail 5hourdivorcepower@gmail.com and ask for more info!
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sandy_swiss (1 month ago) My brother is going through a terrible divorce. His soon to be ex-wife and he are at a constant battle. His “ex-wife” is pushing her lawyer to basically keep everything. I found this website that gives great divorce advice for men. DadsDivorce.com has numerous resources to keep dads on track so that they can equally participate in their divorce. Good luck guys!
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GoodTimes109 (1 month ago) Trying to figure out if I am ready for the next step in this relationship or if I should be moving on....
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DivorceNetwork (2 months ago) New Divorce Stats Out: Divorce Risk is Highest at 25
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DivorcedMark (2 months ago) Hi everyone. I am new to the site and looking forward to connecting with some people who might understand the situation I am in. I am recently (8 months) divorced and a bit lost. I was with my wife for 7 years and we were married for 3 years. I am trying to find myself again, life without her....
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DivorcedMark (2 weeks ago) How have you been managing all these years?
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KimmaGirl (4 weeks ago) hi...I can relate..Im lost too..been divorced for over 4 years now...
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KimmaGirl (4 weeks ago) hi...I can relate..Im lost too..been divorced for over 4 years now...
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rejuvenated (3 months ago) I am so enjoying my life right now. I have two home based businesses that are about to sky rocket.
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caballo6 (3 months ago) It will be a year soon since I found out that my husband of 26 yrs was having an affair for over 5yrs. And for the past week I have been so deppress that I don't even know who I am anymore. I have been crying for a whole week with barely getting any sleep and I am very confuse now. I filed for divorce after he refused to go to councelling and I don't know what to do. I miss the person that I thought he was and I feel like someone very dear to me died but I don't know when he died and I miss him. I refuse to believe that the person that I knew could do this to our family. We still share the family home in separate bedrooms but at time all I want to do is to cuddle with him just like we use to be. He was always very sensitive to my needs and he adored his children. I just don't get it how he could do this to us for so long with no remorce and still doing it. I've been married to him since i was 19yrs old and now im 45yrs old and I don't know anyother way to survive emotionally other than being with him and my kids. We work really hard to provide everything they ever needed and some more, but now I feel that it was just a big lie and I was the fool for all those year because I also found a fake divorce certificate that he created since 1994 and apparently he has been showing it to women to convince them that he was divorce and that he was in the home just for his kids and that he had nothing to do with me. THIS IS VERY SAD!!!!!!!!
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OneJourney (3 months ago) Caballo6- I'm sorry to hear you are going through such pain and confusion. Divorce/separation IS like a death- you do need to grieve the loss of what was, who you were (and he was) and what won't be anymore. It's difficult and SO exhausting. And I could tell you that it will get better, and you need time, and all that (which is all true), but it's probably hard to wrap your head around that. For now, just remember that you are NOT a fool, and you have a chance right now to make a change in your life. Just remember to make the change in your best interests and believe that you deserve to be loved and appreciated!
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whitey61 (3 months ago) anybody seperated and lost?
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LOR (3 months ago) Is it possible to feel that in order for your marriage to work, you truly need time apart/separation? I seem to think so, but my husband of 16 years disagrees.
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lmjor496 (4 months ago) Child Support Issues? Document, Document, Document! Childsupportreport.com your documentation site!
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jsweets4 (4 months ago) Right now I am extremely pissed off that my husband is out visiting a friend and isnt answering his phone while i am home with our kids and one is crying for him. all she wants is her daddy and he cant be bothered to answer his phone. course he will probably come up with some pathetic excuse or lie as to why he couldnt...
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KentuckyJelly (4 months ago) Anyone ever use Legal Zoom for a divorce? Are there any similar services that maybe cost a little less? I got a quote of $300.
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john (3 months ago) There are "divorce kit" paperwork for around $50. There isn't any help with it, you need to read, follow directions, etc. If you and your spouse can cooperate on the divorce than one of these non-lawyer options might work.
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MomOfTwo to Maryann (4 months ago) I'm glad to read that you are moving forward with the divorce process. Anyone that tells you "I have something special for Valentines day" only to serve you divorce papers is cruel and isn't even showing respect for the time that you spent together. Especially when you were patient and devoted to the reconciliation process. Hang in there as you make your way through this part.
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MomOfTwo to AmeliaApple (4 months ago) Sorry I missed your response on IM - glad to hear he is still going to couples counseling and that you found a great therapist...that makes all the difference in the world. Sounds like work is busy yet exciting for you, so it is always nice to have that "escape" for your mind off your own problems. Great hearing from you. :)
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AmeliaApple (4 months ago) Been MIA...work, work, work! So, I went to my therapist alone yesterday and we had a very candid conversation about how our couples therapy is going. He is encouraged, but warned me not to let my guard down. He said that there was abuse, but that he thinks if my husband is willing to do the work, then there is hope. I'm so appreciative that my therapist is willing to tell me how it is. He doesn't talk in circles, he always has a strategy when speaking with us as a couple or in a one-on-one session. I'm so grateful for him. We talked about the fact that I have pulled away from my husband emotionally and he told me that was actually okay and what I needed to to right now. He told me that it is clear that my husband is carrying around a lot of pain and taking it out on me, and that I need to protect myself. He said that even though I need to focus on protecting myself and preserving myself, that doesn't mean that I am being un-supportive or pulling away from our marriage. The strangest thing of all is that you can love someone so much, but come to the realization that you are not better together. You are better apart. I want what is best for both of us and, more importantly, I want what is best for the kids that I want to have in the future. I'd like that to be with my husband, but if he doesn't do the work, then it cannot be with him. Funny, though, I am still at peace with my life despite this. :-)
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BlondesHaveMoreFun (4 months ago)
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Are You F*cking Kidding Me? (Facebook Song) LIVEKate Miller-Heidke sings hilarious song about old flames on Facebook.-
johnlove (3 months ago) Hello dear one, i hope to meet a noble and clever woman who will make my life more interesting and add more sense to it. I respect old traditional value of family life very highly, and I know I will be a good husband for my life-partner,age intelligent with a good sense of humor. I would like to meet a nice woman with whom I could feel happy and comfortable and who will be my best friend and faithful life-partner for the rest of my life. I am ready to be a good husband for her and to give all my love to him till the end of the road. Here is my email: [johnford4real50@yahoo.com] I am waiting to get a reply from you. Remember distance or colour does not matter but true love matters alot in life. I will stop here and be waiting to here from you soon in my main box. Bye for now. And remain blessed. Yours Sincerely,
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BlondesHaveMoreFun (4 months ago) Sorry for the language - but had to share this one as it cracked me up.
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Magda78 (4 months ago) Will i ever be happy again? Will I ever fall in love?
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MomOfTwo (4 months ago) Yes...I know right now it doesn't feel like it, but you will move on. My kids are 9 & 7.5 and I've been divorced for 4 years...so I know how overwhelming it can be to think of being on your own with your young children. It does sound like from the list of reasons that there were some very challenging parts of your marriage and that maybe both of you were unhappy. Reach out anytime if you need some feedback.
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MomOfTwo (4 months ago) Saw my ex-father in law from my first marriage yesterday. Married at 19, I divorced after 5 years due to his refusal to address his alcoholism. My mom was an alcoholic...so was his (plus anorexia - which currently has her in the hospital with a colostomy bag!). As collectors are still calling my phone (had the same number for 20 years!) I found out that he's attempted suicide, still drinking, claiming disability (social phobia?...really?) - all I can say is Holy Cow...sometimes even though the decisions are hard...when you look back one day, you will see all the heartache you have saved yourself from. The sad thing is some of his family still enable him...and won't let him hit his "rock bottom". Only he can know when enough is enough. Some never find it.
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DivorceCoachLori (4 months ago) Some never find it, how true that is! Thankfully, you are out of that one!!! Wowie cozowie huh.
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YoungJeezy (4 months ago) I researched free do-it-yourself" divorces online all night lastnight and this morning. I found ONE free download document on a torrent site but Im not sure it's applicable. Their HAS to be someone out there who has done a completely uncontested divorce all by themself like a big girl (or boy...) and who could give me some advice! I call myself a genius, however all I know of the law is mostly through bad experiences that have nothing to do with divorce. I've never attended law school (as of yet lol) but I am confident that if random Joe can pass a "bar" and charge me for a divorce, then I can just as well do it all myself. But even Genius' need a compass sometimes =)
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johnlove (3 months ago) Hello dear one, i hope to meet a noble and clever woman who will make my life more interesting and add more sense to it. I respect old traditional value of family life very highly, and I know I will be a good husband for my life-partner,age intelligent with a good sense of humor. I would like to meet a nice woman with whom I could feel happy and comfortable and who will be my best friend and faithful life-partner for the rest of my life. I am ready to be a good husband for her and to give all my love to him till the end of the road. Here is my email: [johnford4real50@yahoo.com] I am waiting to get a reply from you. Remember distance or colour does not matter but true love matters alot in life. I will stop here and be waiting to here from you soon in my main box. Bye for now. And remain blessed. Yours Sincerely,
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DivorceCoachLori (4 months ago) Did you go down to the court house, most states have what is called "pro se" forms, which means represent yourself forms. The other option is if you are low income, most counties also have Legal Aid offices that have monthly do it yourself classes where they tell you what needs to be considered in a general way. Also, look on line in your county's website. Many websites have the forms under a tab about the court system.
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MomOfTwo (4 months ago) I have not tried the "do it yourself" jobs - although there are software that you can use to do that. I got a Dissolution - and that was your "basic" - we agree to everything type of arrangement. Only one person actually "engages" an attorney and he draws up all of the legal paperwork & does the filing--so this should address your issue that you live in a different state now. My lawyer fees were $1200. We ended up paying a little extra as we needed to have a retirement analysis done, but that was an extra we agreed to so we could determine what was fair. I would have some concerns about using just some random website where you put your credit card on for services, as this is an area that is a prime candidate for scams...knowing that there are a lot of people desperate for a divorce w/o money to pay for one.
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MomOfTwo (4 months ago) is wishing I met my boyfriend when I was still in my 30's - and having more children would still be an option. I know some of the "Hollywood" ladies have babies in their mid 40's---but for me I think the risk factor is too great. The hard part is that I know how much my children have added to my life, and it's hard not to be able to give him that experience.
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DivorceCoachLori (4 months ago) On the other hand, he gets the gift of your children and can be honored that you choose him to help you raise them. That is quite an honor for a man who hasn't had children. Blended families are difficult...but can be incredibly rewarding!
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AmeliaApple (5 months ago) The double standard....So, after being berated by my husband for not cleaning enough, particularly in the kitchen, I've made a consorted effort to clean more. He, however, still cooks and then leave the pots on the stove (dirty) for days at a time; doesn't empty the dishwasher; piles the dishes next to the sink (again, dirty). Um...and I'm not suppose to keep "count" or "track" because if I do, I'm being "manipulative" or something. Just saying...why can't I keep track in order to prove that what I'm saying is correct? It works in science, but not in a marriage. Hum....
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johnlove (3 months ago) Hello dear one, i hope to meet a noble and clever woman who will make my life more interesting and add more sense to it. I respect old traditional value of family life very highly, and I know I will be a good husband for my life-partner,age intelligent with a good sense of humor. I would like to meet a nice woman with whom I could feel happy and comfortable and who will be my best friend and faithful life-partner for the rest of my life. I am ready to be a good husband for her and to give all my love to him till the end of the road. Here is my email: [johnford4real50@yahoo.com] I am waiting to get a reply from you. Remember distance or colour does not matter but true love matters alot in life. I will stop here and be waiting to here from you soon in my main box. Bye for now. And remain blessed. Yours Sincerely,
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MomOfTwo (5 months ago) the old saying sticks...what is good for the goose is good for the gander. If he wants a wife that stays at homes and cooks and cleans then he needs to get into a time machine or be the big bread winner. When we have to work outside the home, then the household chores should be shared. I never expect 50/50, but it needs to be close. And he shouldn't criticize someone else if we're not willing to do the same task. Way to stick to your guns...although I don't know if I could have handled the pans there for days. I would have cleaned up after him AND held a tally!
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AmeliaApple (5 months ago) And no...I'm not going to clean up after him.
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MomOfTwo (5 months ago) Ok - to my DivorceNetwork posse...need a little help on this one. My Ex and I have done a great job to date with our shared custody arrangement...but it isn't always easy. THIS one I'm struggling with...and any advice or comments you can post on my blog would be MUCH appreciated.
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AmeliaApple (5 months ago) I often wonder, "is it better to sacrifice some needs in order to stay together for the long haul?" I love my husband, but I think I've hit the 4-year slump. It use to be 7, but I think 4 is the new 7. I'm hoping to make it past the slump to find that it only gets better after the period of angst. Is it wrong to long for a little passion?
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AmeliaApple (5 months ago) I remember that post. I'm hoping its true. FYI...I'm totally with you on the "Sex" thing. It is a really American, Puritan -residual issue that we don't talk about sex enough.
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BlondesHaveMoreFun (5 months ago) this was posted a few weeks ago...it made me reflect when I read it. "More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse." ~Doug Larson I think sometimes when we look at the problems...it's like looking at them through a magnifying glass and they become bigger. I'm not saying to ignore them, but while working on the problem, focus on the good.
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AmeliaApple (5 months ago) You know...after our session on Wednesday...I had a rough day on Friday (not him-related initially). Then I was doing the laundry, as I usually do, and asked him what he wanted for dinner (it was around 5:30/6:00). I went to put the laundry in the dryer...returned to ask him for his opinion on dinner...he had a recipe for pot-pie...we had none of the ingredients...he wanted home-made/made from scratch pot-pie at 5:30 at night. I went to the grocery store, got the ingredients. While at the store this old man says to me, "I've been waiting all winter to see you." "Excuse me?" I say...he says, "I've been waiting all winter to see your naked legs." WTF is wrong with men? I'm not a feminist, but please!!!! When your wife breaks down in a therapy about how she cannot live up to nor does she want to live up to the "traditional" womanly roles...don't ask her to make home-made pot-pie while she is doing the laundry and now has to go do the store to get the ingredients. (sure, I could have said no, but I was so freaking mad, I knew I wouldn't be able to have a productive conversation at that time) I swear...men don't listen or have an f-ing clue! For those men out there that do...I'm sorry for the stereotype, but GD...I'm getting fed up! Then I asked my husband about how he thought the therapy was going...he said, "I just wish I knew when I didn't have to go anymore." He's free not to go...I'll just divorce him. ARG!
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AmeliaApple (5 months ago) Good counseling session last night. We had a real "breakthrough", I think. There has been this ongoing contentious issue about man/women roles and house cleaning...etc. I was able to clearly say to my husband that I have reservations about having children with him if he expects me to also do all the housework and caring for the kids. I also told him that I am not going to have kids with him (which also means that I won't be with him) if he doesn't get the hitting things under control. I'm feeling positive about it. I feel good about being able to talk about the deeper issues in a safe place. The next step will be to translate that to talks without a counselor present.
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Lulu2 (5 months ago) Good for you! Hope it works out. My husband used to have really bad anger issues, it was funny (in hindsight) cuz he would not go to counseling w/ me (he needed a vacation before wasting his $$$ on therapy that we clearly did not need which was so far from the truth). but he finally decided he actually had issues & went to a counselor for about 7 sessions. I think what prompted it was my commenting on how our older son was starting to be rough w/ his toys & hit things just like daddy. Not to mention I was serious about divorcing him.Good luck!
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MomOfTwo (5 months ago) AA - Good for you. It shows a lot that he is still going to counseling with you when he was so set against it before. Hopefully you can feel that the two of you are making progress.
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MomOfTwo (5 months ago) To AFormerMarine - it is a terrible way to find out that someone has been cheating on you, and I understand that you're hurt & betrayed. I saw your blog series title that you wanted to know if you could sue the man for cheating with your wife. I guess the thing to ask is what do YOU hope to gain from it? Regardless of temptations by others, it is our spouses who cheated and who made the choice to be unfaithful.
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Lulu2 (5 months ago) been married for almost 11 yrs, have 3 wonderful kids that I adore, our marriage turned for the worst after having our first, I went thru a trauma in 2005 (one would think he would "see the light" after having his wife & 2 older kids could've been killed) he still acted like a jerk, he straighted out in 2006 when I seriously spoke about divorce, been ok, but still some issues I don't know if I can deal with. So confused, feel so manipulated & forced to stay. How do I just end it???? he's been a great father unlike before, better husband but I feel smothered, can't express my feelings , my words always gets twisted or somehow my problem or whatever ends being about him??? I don't know where he's coming from very selfish, insecure. uh just so tired of it all! Is this just a phase? yeah a pretty long one for about almost 9 yrs now, I always end up feeling the same way I know it's not going to work. These last 2 incidents are just knawing at me, can't believe he says a sorry should be good enough & he acts like everything is ok again as usual! UUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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johnlove (3 months ago) Hello dear one, i hope to meet a noble and clever woman who will make my life more interesting and add more sense to it. I respect old traditional value of family life very highly, and I know I will be a good husband for my life-partner,age intelligent with a good sense of humor. I would like to meet a nice woman with whom I could feel happy and comfortable and who will be my best friend and faithful life-partner for the rest of my life. I am ready to be a good husband for her and to give all my love to him till the end of the road. Here is my email: [johnford4real50@yahoo.com] I am waiting to get a reply from you. Remember distance or colour does not matter but true love matters alot in life. I will stop here and be waiting to here from you soon in my main box. Bye for now. And remain blessed. Yours Sincerely,
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Lulu2 (5 months ago) One incident was 2 wks ago now, we went to a friends going away party he got drunk (still no excuse) starting peeing in the parking lot as we walked to my truck, he was standing by the passenger door I put the truck in reverse (not to back out until he gets in the truck) which I have done before. He got super pissed & started walking yelling back at me, I couldn't back out cuz another car was pulling in behind me, I went to go after him but lost him ( very dark where I live) I went up & down the street 3 x, knowing this is going to start some shit. And it did, he says I did that on purpose & left him there. I say he's a 38 yr old man who is a big friggin child! we argued until 3:00 am as usual cuz when he wants to talk there's no going to sleep. He brought up issues from 8 months ago too citing that's why he acted the way he did! Not fair since we are suppose to be communicating!!!! The other reason: (about 3 days later) I went to bed, we kissed good night, he got out of bed went into the bathroom turned on the fan, pump the lotion & ya know! Something I've said in the past (we've argued over this) his uses it as an ultimatium. It's disgusting right in the next room!!! We have a master bath. I think it's so disrespectful to do that while I'm in the next room. Now he's said last night (knowing I have stomach issues) "that's understandable not doing it (us having sex) cuz he couldn't imagine doing it while his stomach was hurting him. We went to a counselor 2x, I caved in both times. I feel like I can't leave him cuz he's gotten better (he used to be really bad w/ his anger no hitting but plenty of verbal & emotional abuse) he was horrible to the kids, drank all the time. Even after the accident he drove like an asswhole w/ me & the kids in it, I lost my grandmother in that accident, & yet again it's all about him (he keeps forgetting) We've talked about counseling again, I don't really want to go cuz I know he'll act all innocent there but the shit won't stop when we get home. I know 9 yrs is long but I guess it goes back to my childhood, my mom & dad were divorcing when my dad dies ( I was 8), I grew up w/out a dad plus a little part of me knows he will be hard to deal w/ & may not come around for the kids to spite me.
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DivorceCoachLori (5 months ago) Not sure what the incidents are either that you are talking about, but have you tried relationship counseling or coaching? He obviously needs to do/be more thaan just am I'm sorry. You need more than that and maybe a third person can help explain that to him. best to you
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Dael623 (5 months ago) How did you/would you tell your spouse of 30 years that you're not happy living with them and want to live apart? You know there's going to be crying and kicking and screaming...so how did you /do you even broach the subject?
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LOR (3 months ago) Did you tell your spouse? I can't seem to get through to my spouse that I need time apart before our marriage blows apart. No matter what he does, I am not happy. I really feel I need this space or else????
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DivorceCoachLori (5 months ago) The reality is that you will always be family in one way or another, so I always say to do it with love, compassion and grace, asking that the highest good be done for the both of you. So much of it is your intention behind the asking. Stay in a loving space and be there for each other. A friend of mine recently asked for a divorce, she had been unhappy for years! He didn't want it but finally relented and somehow she hass found peace, reconnection with him in a way that had not been there for 10 years, and she is honestly saying she loves him and WANTS to be with him and they are happy. I'm only saying this because, you never know and you don't want to totally close off all your options. Love is sometimes truly the answer.
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MomOfTwo (5 months ago) Unless it's mutually acceptable, having no intimacy in your marriage is not something that many people can live without. It sounds as though your wife believes sex is only for procreation and that's unfortunate. It sounds like it has been this way for so long, it would be difficult to try to change. I was married only 10 years, but with the kids still at home (I struggled with staying for them...but in the end want them to have a happy mom who may be with them less, but is there wholly in spirit) it was a very difficult decision. My husband did not want it and begged me to go back to counseling, but in my heart I knew we were not good together. I tried to be as compassionate as possible. I gave him all of the time to go through his reactions and we lived in the same house for 3 months (sleeping apart) while we worked through the issues. It gave us time to talk together, cry together and realize that it was the best thing for us to part. With a 30 year marriage, that is like a lifetime that will change. I think you need to talk to her when you have a few hours without interruption, and don't be anxious to get out of the house or leave after that. Stay with her and let her know that you will talk through what follows next as she processes her feelings. You can't avoid the emotions, but you can help by trying to be empathetic to her. good luck.
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DivorcedMark (2 weeks ago) Thanks for watching out for us guys Sandy!