Parental Alienation Syndrome

Posted by Divorce Network, February 2010

 

What is Parental Alienation Syndrome?

Although most people hope that their divorce will be as amicable as possible, there are times when it doesn’t happen.  Hurt feelings and deep-seated resentments sometimes create a situation in which one parent tries to turn their child or children against the other parent.  This is called Parental Alienation.

 

When these behaviors result in a child believing that a parent is against them, or wishes them harm, this psychological phenomenon is called Parental Alienation Syndrome, and was first brought to attention by Richard A. Gardner.  His theory is that through negative and manipulative actions, be they verbal or non-verbal, a child is essentially brainwashed by one parent against the other.  It is considered by many to be a type of child abuse.

If you are seeing out-of-character behaviors in your child, and believe they may have Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), there are ways to identify it:

1. Your child often speaks of you (the alienated parent) in derogatory terms.

2.  When the child is presented with clear evidence as to why their derogatory or hurtful remarks are wrong, their “reasons” behind the behavior are weak or false.

3.  Your child always and reflexively defends your “ex” (the alienating parent), regardless of any facts or evidence that may prove that parent to be in the wrong

4. Your child does not feel guilty or concerned about any hurt or harm that may come to you from being treated cruelly.

5.  It seems as though your child is beginning to intensely dislike or even “hate” relatives on your side of the family, such as aunts, cousins, or grandparents.

 

What to do about Parental Alienation Syndrome

If any of the above rings true for you, it is important to act as quickly as possible to prevent the damage being done to your child from becoming permanent. Extensive day-to-day contact and positive, loving interaction are the most important factors in regenerating the damaged relationship between you and your child.  Therefore, if you truly believe that your child has been subjected to an alienating parent, then obtaining primary custody of your child should be your first concern.  Keep a detailed journal or diary with specific dates and times to record key events that illustrate your point.  As difficult as it can sometimes be to prove Parental Alienation Syndrome, enlisting the assistance of a counselor and family law attorney who specialize in this type of custodial issue will be of great help in proving your case.  It is expensive, but ultimately worth the price to protect your child and preserve your relationship.