Need A Friend?

posted in The News Herald, November 16, 2009.  By Janet Podolak

When Willoughby Hills Friends Church began its Divorce/Relationship Recovery workshops in the mid-1980's, it was one of the few churches in the country to have a group program to address the many issues that arise with broken relationship.

 

"When a relationship ends it is often a time of estragement from family members, friends, the community and even the church," said the Rev. Walt Scheiman, the pastor who facilitates the eight-week program that runs three times a year.

 

The group setting helps people get through those times better, rather than withdrawing and becoming further isolated.  The program is going strong 25 years later, and a grief recovery program has also been added to the mix, because of the proven effectiveness of the group dynamic.

 

Scheiman knows the divorce program's effectiveness from personal experience, because he went through the recovery process after a divorce in 1988.

 

"So did my current wife," he said.  "It turned our lives around and is the reason we both have a passion for it."

 

That's one of the many similarities divorce/relationship recovery has with recovery from the death of a loved one--part of the rationale for the church's establishment of its GriefShare program.

 

"Grief is certainly also an element in divorce," said the Rev. Jim Belt, the pastor who leads the church's 13-week GriefShare sessions and is the church's senior adult pastor and facilities director.  "If people don't take the opportunity to deal with their grief, some of the issues can drag on for years and years.

 

"We suffer grief not necessarily because someone has died but because that loss has brought out those issues in us.  Your life is going to change one way or the other," he said.  "It can change in the direction of growth and health or in the direction of anger and bitterness."

 

There is no religious affiliation required to attend the sessions, Scheiman said.

 

"We absolutely, positively don't beat people over the head with God," he said.

 

"We aren't trying to convert them, save their souls, or get them to become members of this church."

 

The purpose of both programs is to help people heal, let go and forgive, he said.

 

The GriefShare program lasts 13 weeks and is more structured.