Maintain Your Relationship: Long Distance Parenting

Posted by Divorce Network, March 2010

One of the greatest concerns in any divorce is how it affects the parent-child relationship.  Whether the parents have separated amicably or not, children of divorce are often placed into a situation where they feel pressured to choose a side – especially if one parent moves out of state.  But children and divorce agreements can have positive outcomes when the child's needs are considered along with the needs of the parents.  This is especially the case when long distance visitation is inevitable.

The first matter when it comes to children and divorce is the question of visitation.  Most divorce arrangements will include some sort of time period in which the child will be able to visit with the other parent.  Long distance visitation can be difficult to plan around the school schedule of a child.  When in-person visits aren't possible, you will want to make sure the child and the parent have access to each other via email and telephone.  This will allow both sides of this relationship to feel as though they can still communicate just as they did before the divorce. Another way to maintain a connection between the parent and child is to utilize a web cam that allows the parent and child to see one another when they speak.

Scheduling regular times to chat with the parents can help children of divorce feel more in control of the situation.  These conversations and times of communication need to be adhered to as closely as possible.  A child needs to be able to trust that the parent is going to be available when they expect them to be – just as they were before the divorce. 

Long distance visitation also needs to be a part of the divorce agreement as nothing takes the place of personal contact and interaction.  Children of divorce should have every opportunity to see their other parent; so long as their school schedule isn't interrupted and important events aren't missed.  Holidays and other special occasions should also be celebrated together with their parent, if possible.  Creating a schedule in which parents can trade off special days will allow the child to feel loved by both parents equally, while also allowing the parents to continue to be a large part of their child's life.

No matter the mood of the divorce, children need to know that both parents still love them and want to see them.  By providing multiple ways in which the child can communicate with the long distance parent, divorce doesn’t have to leave a child questioning the love of either parent.

 

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