Community Wide Divorce Support Groups & Events
Even though it may feel like it; you're not the only one dealing with divorce. Get to know others in the DN community! Share experiences, receive or give advice, and build friendships that will last a lifetime.
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MomOfTwo (13 hours ago)
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tjb942us (15 hours ago) Forgiveness....yes that is my biggest obstical, I thought I was progressing in that direction then...I found out that they have been seeing eachother for months and she even moved back to CO to be with him. I have such an intense hatred for her, she took advantage of our situation. I tell myself they are perfect for eachother, her first husband left her due to her cheating and my husband cheated on me. I really want to get past all this anger, I have been through therapy and it helped to a point (showed me that it wasn't all my fault like my ex kept telling me it was). I begining to think that I need to return to church and God. I think its important that my boys see me forgive and get past all this anger that I have towards their dad and this woman. Part of me wants to hate her forever.
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MomOfTwo to (3 days ago) KellyBelly - I just bought this CD and when I heard this song I immediately thought of you and how painful this part of the process is. Music has always been an outlet for me, so I started a new blog to share songs like this one. Maybe when you listen to it you will find hope and strength to help get through this difficult time.
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kellybelly3995 (3 days ago) Yhank you so much, for your support and thoughts.
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Thinkitsover (3 days ago) Things are a mess. I'm 36 years old and married almost 7 years (will be this July). But our marriage has fallen apart. My husband has never learned how to communicate, disregards my opinions on a subject matter or what we should do, he avoids problems when tehy are small until they escalate into bigger ones. While he loves his son, I feel like a single mom and have found myself craving affection. I've basially felt lonely. I have struggled and worked so hard to try to work at this marriage to be told over and over again by my husband that the problems we have are all my fault and that I need to change but not matter WHAT I have done or tried to do, he still witholds affection, communication. I have been a stay at home mom for the last 4 years with no steady income. I have recently started up my own business, but it's new. I have no doubt it will progress. There isn't much full time employment where I am currently living. My husband is "self employed" and has been paying the bills (struggling our entire relationship actually). But, we are a financial diasaster. He has not given me money to file the taxes and we have not filed since 2006 (with 2009 it will be three years). During that time we had an ARM mortgage in my name that we sold short to get out from under. In addition, although we will be marreid almost 7 years this July, despite my prodding and filling out forms my husband has not filed for legal status in this country and is basically an illegal immigrant. Our cars are registered in my name, one of which as a $500/month payment on that on my own I can't afford and we can barely afford now and a VOlvo that is , well not very reliable. But this marriage is unhealthy and i need to file income taxes married filing seperately to protect myself from his lack of not filing/fines etc. IN addition, how do I get a divorce and support myself and move out on my own with no steady regular income and how can I get spousal and child support from him if he has no legal status and no income taxes to show income or lack thereof. Knowing that he is giving up on this marriage I do not want to live under the same roof with him, it's too painful. Any advice. I live in the state of PA. Can I apply for public assistance while I get on my feet (even if I'm not legally divorced and filed income taxes seperately and my husband dind't file). Has anyone else found themselves in this situation?
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DivorceNetwork (3 days ago) DivorceNetwork's own DivorceCoachLori offers this FREE teleclass in February: Fall in Love with Yourself!: The second workshop is scheduled on Monday evening, February 15th as a Teleclass! Fall in Love with Yourself! This introductory workshop is primarily for women to start focusing on your one true love, no, it’s not the Mr. Right or Mr. Soulmate, it is YOU! If you don’t love you, it’s almost impossible to have someone else fall in love with you. The time to start is NOW. This teleclass is FREE and I’m thrilled to offer it. If you enroll in the class, I will also send you the audio of the class, to share with others, and you may ask me questions ahead of time, to make sure they get answered!
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DivorceNetwork (3 days ago) DivorceNetwork.com is happy to announce a new Featured Expert on our site. Paul McGinniss, owner of Divorce Coaching For Men LLC, joins our team of experts to provide insightful blogs, articles and advice on our Fencepost to DN members. With a background in corporate HR and coaching, when Paul experienced his own divorce he searched for resources to deal with some of the unique issues facing men and was unable to find them. The result is the creation of his 7-step program, “The Seven Steps to Survive the Fog of Divorce”, which provides meaningful and real-life support for maneuvering through this difficult life experience. Read more about Paul’s program here:
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AmeliaApple to kellybelly3995 (4 days ago) kellybelly3995...welcome to this site! Although I have not gone through exactly what you are going through right now, I can tell you that this site has been so helpful for me. Being a mother is the single most important thing anyone can do. I am not one myself, but without my mother...I would be lost. You are not a failure in any way, of that I am sure. Use this site and the people on it to help you find your way through this difficult time and please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I may not have had your experience, but I am willing to listen. Take care! AA
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kellybelly3995 (3 days ago) Thank you Amelia, and your right I would not want anything more then to be the best mom I can. Thats the scary part, because I want to be strong, and its hard. I never want to lose my children, because their father is happy and content with his decision. However, how do you learn to accept the other women who has taken your place, and forgive. I know if I can do that it would be the best thing in the world for my kids.
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MomOfTwo (4 days ago) I agree with AA - you are not alone and you certainly aren't a failure. Being a good homemaker and mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world and is often unappreciated. I do know some of the pain you are feeling when your children say things. I'm not sure what the ages of your children are, but sometimes flashy things like Dad taking them out places, eating out, and all the things you may not be able to afford to do, or have time to do seem more important to them now than how much they are loved by you. But they will realize this. It is a good time to point out "material" things in life vs. love, family, etc. It also sounds like you do need some help to get yourself onto healing. DivorceCoachLori on this site has some excellent materials to help you move past this period, regardless of the circumstances. Hang in there and try to find the blessings in your life and hold them close to your heart.
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DivorceCoachLori to CJUtgard (4 days ago) Wow, you are so impressive to get on line here and see the help you need! Good for you! Your mom needs to see if she can get a "guardian ad litem" for you, or a "CASA - court appointed special advocate" to represent your point of view. Every state is different, I don't know what the law is in Maine, but most states have a way for kids your age to be heard. Also, your mom could try filing a "custody/visitation modification" if an attorney thinks she has enough evidence to do that. Have your mom talk to an attorney and give her those terms I gave you and see what she can do. Let her know that although this might cost her money, the court might order him to pay for it too.
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DivorceCoachLori to Default_2010 (4 days ago) I don't know how long you've been married, but you need to remember, Arizona is a community property state, which generally means split in half, everything. If he is only wanting $25,000 from the sale of the house or you get a home equity/loan to pay him off, you might seriously think about taking it. You can stay in your home. Usually a Judge will sign whatever you put infront of him/her. Go get a consultation with a divorce attorney, just do the consult and know your rights. You can't afford not to if you are retiring in a few years.
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AmeliaApple (5 days ago) So...I thought we had everything arranged. My husband just told me that he a) forgot that we were meeting with the counselor tonight and b) that he can't make it. :-( So, we aren't going tonight.
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MomOfTwo (4 days ago) just saw the blog & commented there. Keep smiling.
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AmeliaApple (5 days ago) I rescheduled for next week. New post in the blog. :-)
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MomOfTwo (5 days ago) Oh no. :( I hope there was a legitimate reason that he can't make it. I know this was the first really positive step he was taking. Hang in there...and reschedule!
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MomOfTwo (13 hours ago) tjb - Forgiveness is a tough one, but it does sound like you've forgiven the most important person...you. Sometimes we feel like it was our failure that led our spouse to someone else, but that was there choice. It is important to "own up" to our own failings in the marriage, learn from them and then let go. I think that religion can help us in a time like this as thinking of others instead of ourselves, being a community, and being thankful for our blessings that we do have can all make our problems seems smaller. From the way you describe your husband, he treated you very poorly, so there is no need to hate her. She will likely be experiencing the same thing as you when he tires of having a "real" relationship and looks for his next "escape". Good luck.