Should counseling be mandatory before filing for divorce?
He Said
Let’s take a couple with one child where the parents just don’t get along. She thinks he needs to change and stop spending time with his buddies. He thinks she needs to stop nagging him and he is sick of begging her for affection. Both of these people have legitimate gripes. Obviously he hangs out with his buddies to keep away from her nagging and she won’t let him touch her because he has no respect for her. These issues can be resolved if both people simply try to understand why the other reacts the way they do. Simple mandated counseling and follow up would go a long way toward fixing this. Then there’s a couple that one of them is verbally abusive, threatens physical violence, and drinks. If you use the mandatory counseling to uncover the abuse then a proper program could be mandated to help reduce the threat of violence and help get the other party safely out of the relationship. I would be all for mandatory counseling if it included mandatory treatment and assured safety too.
She Said
It all comes down to whether the government, either on a state or local level, should have a say in who gets divorced. Ultimately, adults are responsible for their actions and do not need someone requiring that they stay married or seek counseling if neither person feels comfortable with it. States with this rule in place likely mean well and are only doing their part to reduce the high divorce rate, but forcing couples into counseling won't necessarily help. That being said, counseling is definitely worth a try, particularly if the couple has children. Many courts that do not require counseling still encourage it, and even frown on couples that don't at least try to work it out. If one part of a couple does undergo counseling while the other refuses, many judges have admitted they tend to favor the person who tried to work it out. Overall, if you are worried about getting your share of property or custody of the children, counseling can be a good idea. Even if your spouse won't go, your efforts at saving your marriage won't go unnoticed by most courts. However, it should not be officially required of anyone.
I Agree with Her...
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MomOfTwo (4 months ago) While I am a big believer in counseling, I don't think it should be mandatory. It's like forcing someone to go to AA won't work if they don't want to change. I wish more people would give counseling a chance to work as well, if it took 10 years for all of these problems to get to the point that you want a divorce, then a counselor is not going to be able to "fix" you in one session. They need time to offer you the tools and knowledge to help make small changes each day that can eventually allow you to move past your issues, or determine that they are insurmountable.
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I Agree with Him...
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