Ok ladies, let’s face it. We are our own worst enemy. If any of you are like me (and based on my conversations with my BFF’s, many of you are!) you have about 100 “conversations” in your head with your boyfriend / husband / lover without ever opening your mouth. We use our intuition to read in between the lines of conversations, emails, texts and then we expand on them from there. We interpret. We assume. And we block ourselves from having good relationships. Why? Because more than half the time we are wrong. Our partner wasn’t even in the same planet in terms of where his thoughts were. Take the challenge…the next time you read something into your partner’s words, verbalize your thoughts to him. Chances are you’ll get this response: "WHAT? No! Not at all!"
So stop doing it. Start talking. For some of you that find communicating with your partner too difficult, then work on your own internal communication first. Stop predicting. Stop assuming what he is thinking. This often happens when it comes to your sex life. Your mind is in another room, in another conversation, in his head wondering what he is thinking. Let it go. While you are thinking, “did you see the way he looked at me…he thinks I look fat”….he’s likely thinking “wow, I was looking forward to this all day”.
For me, having difficulty reaching orgasm was often the result of not being able to let thoughts out of my head and just experience the sensations my body was receiving. There were obviously other contributions, such as I had not figured out masturbation and how my body needed to be touched, but even after that discovery – having orgasm with a partner required that I learned to LET GO.
After the first few weeks of amazing sex with my current boyfriend, thoughts started to pop into my head.
“Does he care about me as much as I care about him?”
“Why doesn’t he come up behind me and caress me while I’m doing dishes now?...I loved that”
“Now that he’s seen me in full daylight, is he turned off by the stretch marks?”
So guess what happened? No orgasm. He was doing all the same things, but I couldn’t relax. So when we started to talk about all of those things that I was thinking…an amazing thing happened. I let it go, and just relaxed and enjoyed what he was doing to me. And Hello – we’re back in business!
So, play some music (doesn’t have to be soft romantic…maybe something with a beat, turned up loud?!), light some candles, have a glass of wine if you need to relax – but LET GO.
Here are some interesting articles I found to let you know you are not alone…and to provide some suggestions. Be sure to read ALL of the comments after the articles as you will find many people have made it through their own sexually frustrated experiences and moved on to being sexually fulfilled!
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