DivorceCoachLori
Gender: Female
Location: Clarkdale, AZ
Relationship Status: Separated
Birthday: November 16th 1960
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Member Since: December 21st 2009
My Story:
I was divorced twice and was a divorce attorney and am now coaching, as well as doing mediation, for people going through divorce. I wrote a book, Transcending Divorce, and I have teleclasses to help people learn how to become neutral towards their ex's and how to forgive and move on with their lives. Basically, to get out of the victim mode. I walk my talk and can teach you how to also. Additionally, I just finished a book called Freedom from Abuse: Finding Yourself Again.
Survey Responses
When a Simple Status just doesn't cover it:Single but I feel like I'm married
What went wrong?Money/Financial Concerns:, Infidelity:
How many years have you been divorced?4
Would you remarry?Yes
How many years were you married (or committed together)?10, 5
At what age did you get divorced?36, 44
How many children did you have with your ex-spouse?2
How many times have you been officially divorced?2
How many times have you been married?2
Education: Graduate Degree
Religion: Spiritual but not religious
Goal you would like to achieve this year: Help as many people as possible find peace.
What type of relationship do you have with your ex-spouse: Good: no hard feelings
Why am I here: Help
My Friends (17)
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AlisonEliza...
Hopkinton, MA -
allenj7030
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AmeliaApple
Dallas, TX -
bailey9161
Levittown, NY -
CJUtgard
Sanford, ME
My Blogs
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I am Petrified to...
Posted: 12/21/2009 -
Transcending...
Posted: 12/21/2009
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DivorceCoachLori (6 months ago) Can you help me with an article I want to write? I need stories of when and how Romance was lost in the marriage. If it wasn't lost, can you tell me what you did to keep it going?
MomOfTwo (6 months ago) Competing with your spouse. I didn't always realize it, but small things, like my spouse would say what a stressful day he had and I would say "you think YOU had a stressful day, listen to this...". Not validating them and the stress THEY feel rather comparing it to what you have to deal with. Small items like this over time broke down the romance and feelings of love and replaced them with resentments and distance.
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allenj7030 (6 months ago) Romance is lost when one or both partners in the relationship is no longer happy, or fills they don't have time for the other person. It's very hurtful when you try to be romantic to your partner and they don't reciprocate
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DivorceCoachLori (6 months ago) I just found out that there is a bill in the Arizona legislature that will make the 60 waiting period a 6 month waiting period, before a divorce. The goal is to keep more marriages together. What do you think? I think people who have not been divorced think that people who are getting divorced are just lazy, don't want to work on their marriages, are not educated, don't see the ramifications for their children, etc. I think having to wait even longer will cause MORE fighting, MORE problems for the kids, MORE manipulations, MORE abuse if there is abuse, MORE financial hardships. What do you think???
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tbug (6 months ago) I personally think this is great. My husband has not yet filed but has started the paperwork. I hope there is a possibility that he may change his mind. We still live together and love each other but have some issues we need to work on. He says he's given me time, but in actuality he hasn't really given enough time to work on us. Knowing that it may take 6 months instead of 60 days to me should be across that board.
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DivorceCoachLori (6 months ago) when I was a divorce attorney, my first question was always, did you go see a counselor and is there any chance of working through things. In my experience, few people see divorce as an easy way out.
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john (6 months ago) In our situation I don't think it was lack of knowledge of each, but lack of communication and dealing with some stressful situations. We got through it, but she concentrated on the past difficulty rather than the present success. She saw divorce as the "easy" way out, I never thought it was, now she believes that too (too late now).
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DivorceCoachLori to Dael623 (6 months ago) Wow, you really stuck with it. You sound like you are really getting to the point of wanting something to change. Have you seriously confronted your wife and said we need to get some help here? Unless you are committed to celibacy, something has to change and frankly, you need to step up and insist on it. I think I'm not telling you anything you don't know, but sometimes someone pointing out the obvious is helpful. what do you think?
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DivorceCoachLori to CJUtgard (7 months ago) Wow, you are so impressive to get on line here and see the help you need! Good for you! Your mom needs to see if she can get a "guardian ad litem" for you, or a "CASA - court appointed special advocate" to represent your point of view. Every state is different, I don't know what the law is in Maine, but most states have a way for kids your age to be heard. Also, your mom could try filing a "custody/visitation modification" if an attorney thinks she has enough evidence to do that. Have your mom talk to an attorney and give her those terms I gave you and see what she can do. Let her know that although this might cost her money, the court might order him to pay for it too.
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DivorceCoachLori to Default_2010 (7 months ago) I don't know how long you've been married, but you need to remember, Arizona is a community property state, which generally means split in half, everything. If he is only wanting $25,000 from the sale of the house or you get a home equity/loan to pay him off, you might seriously think about taking it. You can stay in your home. Usually a Judge will sign whatever you put infront of him/her. Go get a consultation with a divorce attorney, just do the consult and know your rights. You can't afford not to if you are retiring in a few years.
DivorceCoachLori (6 months ago) Thanks for those good ideas...