Losing the Losers is a great place to start!
Posted by DivorceCoachLori on 01-04-2010
Losing the Losers is a great place to start!
The human ego is such a delicate thing. We all want to be loved, wanted, needed, and adored. We want it so bad we are often willing to sell our souls to fulfill this need!
And it’s way worse if your ex-spouse is dating and you are not. That’s when your ego really goes to battle. What can, what should you do about it?
First, realize that it is not a competition. I have a client right now whose wife left him for another man. This is painful; all of us who have been in that situation know the pain. His question is, “if she has moved on so easily, why can’t I? Should I just get into another relationship to help me forget about her?” This is a common and reasonable question. So, if it does help to ease the pain, why do so many people, including myself, recommend a year between relationships?
I don’t recommend numbing the pain (unless you REALLY can’t manage your life without anti-depressants temporarily…recommended by both a counselor and a doctor). Saying it’s ok to have an affair when it’s too early to numb your pain is like saying, ok, you’re sad, here’s some morphine and here’s the needle. This will help. Help what?
It is my humble opinion that if you do not work through your pain and become the person you want to be, and understand the lessons of your marriage and divorce, and come to a place of resolution and forgiveness, you will bring the same problems to your next relationship. In other words, do the work now and you’ll avoid hurt in the future.
The other question I hear is, “can’t I just have a play-thing, you know, a friend with benefits, until the real thing comes along?” NO! If you WANT the real thing to come along, then don’t hand on to the fake thing. LOSE the Losers. There is not enough space and you are giving mixed messages to the universe about what you want. Don’t make excuses for numbing your pain, feel the feelings and then deal with them head on. You CAN do it. If you are asking yourself if you are ready to date, then get the clarity you need and become the person who will attract the person you WANT into your life. Today is a great day to start.
By Lori S. Rubenstein
Life After Divorce Coach
www.LoveAdviceCoach.com
You need to login to post a comment.
