Can you imagine being a divorce attorney whose husband cheats on you and you have no idea? At one time I smugly looked upon clients whose spouse cheated on them and thought “they HAD TO KNOW.” How could they not? Well, you might be one of those people who found out their spouse cheated on them, or whose spouse asked for a divorce and you had NO idea it was coming. I now know it is true.
The worse part of it is feeling like a fool. At least, it was that way for me. How did I not know?
OK, so we obsessively back-track and try to figure out, what happened, when did it happen, how did it happen, what did I not see.
Dang! I did see it and ignored it. BEFORE we got married, he cheated on his wife…with me! I wrote it all out in my journal. I actually said, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” I saw it, I wrote it, and I rationalized it away in the very next sentence: “he loves ME sooo much!” Hello…can you say la-la land?
Well, isn’t that true too? We are in total la-la land when we are newly in love.
Here is the gift – we now remember that we need to pay attention to red-flags and NOT ignore them, not rationalize them, not talk our way out of them. It is like wearing a condom, we now have future protection.
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john (2 months ago) All in moderation though. I dated a woman devastated by cheating, very paranoid and suspicious. It didn't last, and the dumb thing is she went back to him and rejected me (with her constant inquisitions), the one who's never cheated, who just isn't a cheater. But then as the song says - Love is a drug... And it is a risk, you can never know for sure.