Ive never been one prone to violence….but lately……
My son (21) is driving me mad! Ive written about him getting into trouble with drugs, etc. a couple of years ago, but it’s the LYING that is driving me to throw his butt out of the house! I know he is going to make mistakes, we all do. Heck, I was nowhere near the perfect child/teen growing up. My poor mom had to want to smack me down on occasion. But I grew out of it BEFORE the age of 18. I see no “growing up” in my son’s future at the rate he is going.
Just two weeks ago we got a call from the police about underage drinking (he was 20 at the time). I guess he thought it was close enough to his 21st birthday so he would celebrate early. My husband got the call, which was a good thing for our son.
Two years ago at the height of all the problems, my husband and I were constantly at each others throats about how to handle each situation. So, in an attempt to keep my marriage from falling apart (we were just recently working out our own problems from two years of issues), I decided to let him make all the “punishment” decisions. Sometimes, I think that was a mistake, but I have kept my mouth shut (well, as best I could).
If I had gotten the call from the police, our son’s butt would be in jail!! Not because I am mean, but because he needs to LEARN! My husband didn’t think it would help, that he would get there and only meet more people with the same kind of problems and the cycle would continue. I don’t think that a light slap on the wrist and a temporary “punishment” is exactly ending the cycle either.
Wanna guess what happened? Yep! One week later, we find out he is lying again! And it’s always about money! He borrows constantly! He has a “borrow from Peter to pay Paul” mentality. According to him, the guy he has been working for owes him nearly $600 (construction work, he was waiting for a draw), so we would loan him $20 here, $20 there……..when all along, there was NO money owed to him. HE OWED the guy $180. If I didn’t know he was clean, I would swear he was buying drugs because his money is always gone as soon as he gets it. But he is clean, other than cigarettes (which is another story).
Im SO SICK of living like this. If we put him out of the house, the only places he could go are dead beat, bum friends houses, and sleep on their couches. My husband says “no”’. But maybe it would show him just how good he really does have it here and open his eyes. I don’t know what the answer is, my husband doesn’t have the solution and my son says he wants to change and make his life better but can’t seem to get off his hamster wheel to do it. The only thing I can do is pray, try to keep the open communication with my husband, and we stick together as a team, even if we share different opinions. In the end we both love him and we are both trying to help him through this problem.
If you are facing tough problems with your children, do your best to stay true to the problem and not blame your husband. This is the time when you need them alongside of you helping you to deal with it. Even if that means helping you cope with the fact that you may not be able to “fix” the problem and just let your children deal with the consequences of their choices.
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