Dad's Predictions for 2010
I think it's time I announce my big news on this blog. My wife and I are expecting a baby girl in February. That's right, a tiny infant…to go along with the three children from my first marriage ages 13, 11 and 9. Mathematically, I've figured out that I'll be paying for her college tuition around the time I reach Golden Elite status in AARP.
Needless to say, 2010 is going to be a year of new challenges, excitement, anxiety, and wonder as my wife and I experience the joy and sleeplessness of having a new baby. I have to say that I'm extremely excited and a little nervous. I've done this before, but it's been a while and I'm a much older guy that's easily exhausted by climbing the stairs let alone late night feedings.
How will it all play out? Will this change our family dynamic? At this point, nobody knows for sure. However, I do have some month-by-month predictions of how things MIGHT go…
JANUARY: Lamaze class instructor asks my wife "Is he always like this?" after I ask if the delivery room has Wi-Fi and joke about my own impressive birthing unit.
FEBRUARY: Snowstorm + water breaking + bribing snowplow driver = impressed Wife.
MARCH: Wife is shocked when I volunteer for several late-night feedings, not realizing I'm actually watching late March Madness basketball games with the baby.
APRIL: Baby makes her church service debut on Easter Sunday. Congregation ohhs, ahhs, and talks about me behind my back.
MAY: Dinner plans canceled after 13-year old would-be babysitter son asks if the baby needs "…like food and stuff."
JUNE: Receive Father's Day joke gift combination of case of diapers and Viagra from my younger brother. Joke is on him as both gifts come in handy.
JULY: My suggestion of giving the baby a frozen "Similacarita" to celebrate the 4th of July is meant with a stern look of disapproval from the wife.
AUGUST: Two historic firsts for baby - wears cute alumni onesie to watch her first college football game and hears Mommy curse at TV during the game.
SEPTEMBER: While school shopping with the kids and pushing the stroller, I receive my first "Your granddaughter is so cute" comment. Nice.
OCTOBER: My Halloween costume suggestion for the kids to go as "Daddy's 4 Deductions" is rejected by everyone.
NOVEMBER: What will become known as the infamous "Thanksgiving Diaper Disaster of 2010" occurs at sister-in-law's house. Uncle Irv is never the same afterwards.
DECEMBER: Kids find "Santa" asleep on couch on Christmas morning after combination of late-night colic and too many cookies and Bailey's.
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