Resolutions For Everyone Else
Like probably many of you, I have made New Year's resolutions in the past. Lose weight, get in shape, be more organized, give more to charity, etc. My track record on keeping these resolutions isn't exactly stellar. This is probably true for you as well.
So I thought about doing the same old thing again this year and making resolutions for myself knowing fully that I probably won't keep them past Groundhog Day. But what would be the point? Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?
So, this year I decided to change it up and make resolutions for other people in my life. Things they can do (or stop doing) that will benefit me and make my 2010 more enjoyable.
To: Annoying Neighbor That I Share A Driveway With: Resolve to shovel the whole driveway every time it snows, including my side. I don't feel like doing it in 2010. I did it a lot in 2009. Besides, you could stand to lose a few pounds.
To: My Attorney: Resolve to cut your rates in half for worthwhile Dads (specifically me) that need a child support modification drawn up in 2010. Better yet, just do it for nothing. After all, you and I both know where that new boat you bought back in 2008 came from.
To: Nosy Receptionist At Work: Resolve to not ask too many questions about where I'm going, when I'll be back, does this count as a half-day of vacation time when I need to leave the office for various "personal reasons". I'm a busy Dad. I got stuff to do. You don't need to know anything else.
To: Ex-Wife: Resolve to just stop being so $!@#*% ex-wifeish all the time! Like for one stinking week maybe. Could you do that? Not sure of what exactly I'm referring to? Here's all you need to know - just do the opposite of all the things you normally do. Appreciate it.
To: My Increasingly Forgetful Mother: Resolve to finally memorize, after 8 years mind you, my co-parenting schedule with the kids. 99% of the time, they are with me on Saturdays and not on Sundays. Stop asking me to make plans to visit with them on Sundays. It's a simple schedule -- learn it, live it, love it. And by the way, I don't like pumpkin pie so stop acting surprised when I tell you for a gabillioninth time I don't want any.
To: Feeling-Sorry-For-Myself Lonely Co-Worker: Resolve to just set-up an online dating profile (or three) already and start meeting some people. It's 2010, it's OK to use the internet, really. I don't think I can stand listening to another year of your whining about how there's no decent women in this town when all you do is hang out in bars. Trust me, there are wonderful women out there and if act like a gentleman, drop the attitude, use complete sentences, and stop playing games, you might meet one of them.
Wow -- that feels great! Usually making resolutions is painful and wrought with guilt. But these came really easy. Even if only one or two of these resolutions are kept, 2010 is going to be great for me.
Now, how exactly should I communicate these?…that could be tricky.
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