I was recently filling out some forms at the doctor when I came upon the question "Marital Status". Underneath were three checkboxes -- Single, Married, and Divorced. The instructions said, "Select one".
Now like every adult, I've been asked this question on forms a million times and I usually don't think too hard about it. It's a pretty straightforward question, right? Or is it?
You see, I've been married now for over a year. It's my 2nd marriage, so obviously I was divorced. So I should obviously check "Married". But I still think of myself as "Divorced"…sometimes…especially when I look at my pay stub twice a month, interact with the X-Factor, or talk to a teacher at one of my kid's school. So should I check that box too? But the instructions said, "Select one". Now I'm officially confused.
So I start thinking about whether "Divorced" is a permanent badge or status that once achieved is forever part of who you are whether you like it or not (like "ex-convict", "college graduate" or "X-Files fan"). Or, is it more of a temporary reflection of who and what you are right now (like "hungry", "overweight" or "depressed" (which coincidentally sort of all go together).
Whoa, deep questions! - my inner dialogue is getting way out of control (and it's taking me 20 minutes to fill out a simple form and the doctor's assistant is looking at me strangely).
Here's the thing -- if the doctor (or insurance company, marketing survey person or anybody else asking that question) really needs to understand the state of everyone's relationships they should probably add more checkboxes to their forms. Here's a few that came to mind:
Married and loving it
Married and loathing it
Married but cheating around
Married and numb
Divorced, but dating again
Divorced, but recently hooked up with ex, not sure what it means yet
Single, not engaged yet, but thinking this is "the one"
Single and just fooling around
Single but I feel like I'm Married
You get the idea, and can probably think of a few more!
I believe the traditional three choices to the marital status question implies something about how our society views divorce -- that it's a permanent marker on you as a person that needs to be identified. I disagree. I say your relationship status is constantly changing and can even reflect more than one thing at a time, like emotions. And, when is a "Divorced" person allowed to check "Single" again? Ever? What do you think?
And just to be fair, they should either add lots more checkboxes to these forms or at least one called "None of your business." That's what I ended up writing underneath the question. I figured the assistant would just have to deal with it.
-- JD
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