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Gender: Female

Location: Lehighton, PA

Relationship Status: Considering Divorce / Breakup

Birthday: July 19th 1974

Sexual Orientation: Straight

Member Since: February 5th 2010

My Story:

I've been marreid 7 years. Ever since my son was born 4 years ago, my husband has changed. I have basically been living with a roomate rather than a husband. I'm miserable and lonely and he checked out of our marriage a long time ago. I've worked so hard to change the situation, but if only 1 person is trying it will never work.
However, I have been a stay at home mom since my son was born. The house we lost; in my name, the cars, in my name, credit card debt in my name. My credit has been destroyed. To top it off my husband hasn't filed any income taxes since 2006 and he is an illegal that hasn't filed his papers in almost 7 years that we have been married. I'm a mess and need some sound advice.

Survey Responses

What went wrong?Money/Financial Concerns:, Poor Communication:, Failed expectations of spouse:, Lack of Conflict Resolution:

How many years have you been divorced?not yet divorced

Would you remarry?Yes

How many years were you married (or committed together)?almost 7

How many children did you have with your ex-spouse?1

How many times have you been married?1

Education: Some College

Religion: Spiritual but not religious

Goal you would like to achieve this year: Get on my own two feet and move on with my life

Why am I here: Fresh Start, Help, Vent frustration

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  Thinkitsover (1 month ago) I'm reading about Alimony payments in my state of PA. .. Not looking good because I have a small business I just started and in one court case the judge awarded an amount he felt she could earn in a full time job instead of her start up business that was not yet generating sufficient income. That sucks! But finding a full time job right now is hard where I live. I guess I'll have to work my new business, a few small part time jobs all while raising my son as a single parent.. Boy, this is going to be hard for sure.
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    Thinkitsover (1 month ago) Hey Paulmwd - Fortunately I am a realistic person and I do realize that what I'll get in Alimony / Child Support will not be enough to live off of. I know it's going to be a hard long haul financially. It has been over 8 years since I was "single" and standing on my own (albeit very wobbly) legs as an "adult". Now I'm doing it with a child. I will most likely have to tap some public assistance, particularly medicaid, because I'm an uninsured diabetic. (husband is self employed.. and I have been a home maker). I'm trying to start a business that I know will take off, but it will need momentum to build to a steady stream of income. So , I will have to "hustle" so to speak in the meantime. I think I'm more frustrated with the time frame - in otherwords, I'm applying for part time work (including the census this spring) and I have a cash paying sitting job this summer (that should pay nicely.. but again.. won't start till May). I will survive it though. My husband, however, is going to have huge problems. Part of the problem in our marriage is his financial irresponsability. Something he has had long before I met him. I was just hoping he'd grow the hell up and LEARN from his mistakes. Instead, he is no better today than he was 8 1/2 years ago when we met! My more persistent "nagging" to do the right things, make the right choices, is probably what pushed him away.. but I have had every right to say something to him (it didn't matter, he never listened anyway). While I have been a stay at home mom I am far from a spend happy wife. I have never asked for anything.. actually I would prefer NOT having gotten the generous gifts he would occassionally purchase without provication from me because I value financial stability and security far more than material things. I know I will have to make my husband be LEGALLY obligated to support his son and me,simply because he has a history of claiming he doesn't have money for the things he should be taking care of yet magically has money for something he "wants". FYI.. i did c ontribute pretty well financially to the marriage before we had our son and still managed to contribute in 07 and 08, although not much (between 10K - 12K each year). Lord knows I'll need to make far more than that now.. LOL I definately need some alimony at least for awhile. I don't expect it to be much. I do expect the child support to be far more generous, however, especially since I believe he will be making more than I . I have all the spreadsheets of all the money he's had coming in over the last 3 years (becasue he refuses to file income taxes.. again.. an issue. Although now i'm glad because iwould have been half responsible for his earnings.. eek). It's amazing how much he has made, yet we are still "poor"... again.. he's financially irresponsible!

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    paulmwd (1 month ago) I recently had breakfast with a divorce attorney/mediator/Buddhist Monk (really!) and he said, 'I tell my male clients, 'This is how much you have to pay in alimony/child support,' and they say, 'I can't afford that,' and I say, 'Youre right.' And I tell my female clients, 'This is how much you'll get in alimony/child support,' and they say, 'I can't live on that,' and I say, 'You're right.'" His point was the financial reality of divorce is often worse and harder than the financial situation of the marriage that preceded it and that it requires substantial (I would add short-term) adjustments in order to move through the transition. Unfortunately, this is a very challenging business and employment landscape in which to be navigating a divorce. I would suggest brainstorming -- as widely and vastly and creatively as you can -- ALL the potential financial supports/options you can tap into to help you through this period. Some may require even -- gulp -- swallowing your pride (if there's any left, wink!). Focus and perseverance are your tools. God bless.

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    Thinkitsover (1 month ago) MomofTwo - thank you for that.

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  Thinkitsover (1 month ago) Things are a mess. I'm 36 years old and married almost 7 years (will be this July). But our marriage has fallen apart. My husband has never learned how to communicate, disregards my opinions on a subject matter or what we should do, he avoids problems when tehy are small until they escalate into bigger ones. While he loves his son, I feel like a single mom and have found myself craving affection. I've basially felt lonely. I have struggled and worked so hard to try to work at this marriage to be told over and over again by my husband that the problems we have are all my fault and that I need to change but not matter WHAT I have done or tried to do, he still witholds affection, communication. I have been a stay at home mom for the last 4 years with no steady income. I have recently started up my own business, but it's new. I have no doubt it will progress. There isn't much full time employment where I am currently living. My husband is "self employed" and has been paying the bills (struggling our entire relationship actually). But, we are a financial diasaster. He has not given me money to file the taxes and we have not filed since 2006 (with 2009 it will be three years). During that time we had an ARM mortgage in my name that we sold short to get out from under. In addition, although we will be marreid almost 7 years this July, despite my prodding and filling out forms my husband has not filed for legal status in this country and is basically an illegal immigrant. Our cars are registered in my name, one of which as a $500/month payment on that on my own I can't afford and we can barely afford now and a VOlvo that is , well not very reliable. But this marriage is unhealthy and i need to file income taxes married filing seperately to protect myself from his lack of not filing/fines etc. IN addition, how do I get a divorce and support myself and move out on my own with no steady regular income and how can I get spousal and child support from him if he has no legal status and no income taxes to show income or lack thereof. Knowing that he is giving up on this marriage I do not want to live under the same roof with him, it's too painful. Any advice. I live in the state of PA. Can I apply for public assistance while I get on my feet (even if I'm not legally divorced and filed income taxes seperately and my husband dind't file). Has anyone else found themselves in this situation?
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