Two Camps: His and Hers

So Over You!
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Posted by VeronicaDylan on 02-11-2010

It is my experience that when divorce happens, friends split into two camps: His camp and Her camp.

When I got a text from Park Avenue x-Wife that Mike wanted to see me, I hesitated.  Is Mike in my camp or his?  Mike has been a friend of X and me for more than my married life.

My emotions were twisted.  Is Mike my friend, or does he just want to report back to X?

After divorce, I question the loyalty of all the friends. Who is who and what is what?  It is all so confusing?

I texted her regarding Mike. “Tell Mike hi.”

Mike is one of my favorite people.  Do I hold it against him that Mike is a friend of both x-husband and x-wife? Can Mike be friends with both X and me…really?

How did your family and friends shift camps?

Comments

  • onely

    onely (5 months ago) One of my good friends split with his wife, who was also a friend of mine, but not as close. However, I've sort of come down in her camp by default because my friend started seeing a new woman a few weeks after his wife left, and he stopped having time to spend with me--literally dissing me at the last minute and lying about the reason (I found out later). I'm disappointed and unimpressed with how blatantly he's rebounding. His wife has been more friendly and accessible, so I've just happened to see her more often. Christina

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50SELECT `Member`.`id`, `Member`.`username`, `Member`.`password`, `Member`.`email`, `Member`.`gender`, `Member`.`zip_code`, `Member`.`relationship_status_id`, `Member`.`registration_key`, `Member`.`verified`, `Member`.`date_of_birth`, `Member`.`sexual_orientation`, `Member`.`story`, `Member`.`first_name`, `Member`.`last_name`, `Member`.`created`, `Member`.`modified`, `Member`.`last_active`, `Member`.`display_name`, `Member`.`super_admin`, `Member`.`deleted` FROM `members` AS `Member` WHERE `Member`.`id` = 2307 110
51SELECT `Image`.`id`, `Image`.`image_path`, `Image`.`thumbnail_path`, `Image`.`member_id`, `Image`.`profile_image`, `Image`.`album_id`, `Image`.`page_id`, `Image`.`created`, `Image`.`modified` FROM `images` AS `Image` WHERE `Image`.`id` = 195 110
52SELECT `BlogSeries`.`id`, `BlogSeries`.`member_id`, `BlogSeries`.`name`, `BlogSeries`.`description`, `BlogSeries`.`page_seo`, `BlogSeries`.`metatitle`, `BlogSeries`.`metadescription`, `BlogSeries`.`metakeywords`, `BlogSeries`.`featured`, `BlogSeries`.`sponsored`, `BlogSeries`.`sponsor_dn`, `BlogSeries`.`sponsor_name`, `BlogSeries`.`sponsor_message`, `BlogSeries`.`sponsor_url`, `BlogSeries`.`top_count`, `BlogSeries`.`created`, `BlogSeries`.`modified`, `BlogSeries`.`deleted`, `BlogSeries`.`image_id` FROM `blog_series` AS `BlogSeries` WHERE `BlogSeries`.`id` = 100014 110
53SELECT `Member`.`id`, `Member`.`username`, `Member`.`password`, `Member`.`email`, `Member`.`gender`, `Member`.`zip_code`, `Member`.`relationship_status_id`, `Member`.`registration_key`, `Member`.`verified`, `Member`.`date_of_birth`, `Member`.`sexual_orientation`, `Member`.`story`, `Member`.`first_name`, `Member`.`last_name`, `Member`.`created`, `Member`.`modified`, `Member`.`last_active`, `Member`.`display_name`, `Member`.`super_admin`, `Member`.`deleted` FROM `members` AS `Member` WHERE `Member`.`id` = 2307 110
54SELECT `Image`.`id`, `Image`.`image_path`, `Image`.`thumbnail_path`, `Image`.`member_id`, `Image`.`profile_image`, `Image`.`album_id`, `Image`.`page_id`, `Image`.`created`, `Image`.`modified` FROM `images` AS `Image` WHERE `Image`.`id` = 195 110
55SELECT `BlogSeries`.`id`, `BlogSeries`.`member_id`, `BlogSeries`.`name`, `BlogSeries`.`description`, `BlogSeries`.`page_seo`, `BlogSeries`.`metatitle`, `BlogSeries`.`metadescription`, `BlogSeries`.`metakeywords`, `BlogSeries`.`featured`, `BlogSeries`.`sponsored`, `BlogSeries`.`sponsor_dn`, `BlogSeries`.`sponsor_name`, `BlogSeries`.`sponsor_message`, `BlogSeries`.`sponsor_url`, `BlogSeries`.`top_count`, `BlogSeries`.`created`, `BlogSeries`.`modified`, `BlogSeries`.`deleted`, `BlogSeries`.`image_id` FROM `blog_series` AS `BlogSeries` WHERE `BlogSeries`.`id` = 100014 110
56SELECT `Member`.`id`, `Member`.`username`, `Member`.`password`, `Member`.`email`, `Member`.`gender`, `Member`.`zip_code`, `Member`.`relationship_status_id`, `Member`.`registration_key`, `Member`.`verified`, `Member`.`date_of_birth`, `Member`.`sexual_orientation`, `Member`.`story`, `Member`.`first_name`, `Member`.`last_name`, `Member`.`created`, `Member`.`modified`, `Member`.`last_active`, `Member`.`display_name`, `Member`.`super_admin`, `Member`.`deleted` FROM `members` AS `Member` WHERE `Member`.`id` = 2307 110
57SELECT `Image`.`id`, `Image`.`image_path`, `Image`.`thumbnail_path`, `Image`.`member_id`, `Image`.`profile_image`, `Image`.`album_id`, `Image`.`page_id`, `Image`.`created`, `Image`.`modified` FROM `images` AS `Image` WHERE `Image`.`id` = 195 110
58SELECT `Tag`.`id`, `Tag`.`tag`, `Tag`.`created`, `Tag`.`modified`, `BlogsTag`.`blog_id`, `BlogsTag`.`tag_id` FROM `tags` AS `Tag` JOIN `blogs_tags` AS `BlogsTag` ON (`BlogsTag`.`blog_id` IN (114, 113, 112, 111, 110) AND `BlogsTag`.`tag_id` = `Tag`.`id`) WHERE 1 = 1 16160
59SELECT `Events`.`event_id`, `Events`.`creator_member_id`, `Events`.`access_level`, `Events`.`event_name`, `Events`.`start_date`, `Events`.`end_date`, `Events`.`addr1`, `Events`.`addr2`, `Events`.`city`, `Events`.`state`, `Events`.`zip`, `Events`.`description`, `Events`.`created`, `Events`.`modified`, `Events`.`deleted` FROM `events` AS `Events` WHERE `Events`.`start_date` >= 1280376000 AND `Events`.`deleted` = 0 ORDER BY `Events`.`event_name` ASC LIMIT 5000
60SELECT `Page`.`id`, `Page`.`title`, `Page`.`page_seo`, `Page`.`category_id`, `Page`.`subcategory_id`, `Page`.`description`, `Page`.`content`, `Page`.`metatitle`, `Page`.`metadescription`, `Page`.`metakeywords`, `Page`.`tags`, `Page`.`published`, `Page`.`featured`, `Page`.`system`, `Page`.`sitemap`, `Page`.`member_id`, `Page`.`created`, `Page`.`modified`, `Page`.`top_article_count`, `Member`.`id`, `Member`.`username`, `Member`.`password`, `Member`.`email`, `Member`.`gender`, `Member`.`zip_code`, `Member`.`relationship_status_id`, `Member`.`registration_key`, `Member`.`verified`, `Member`.`date_of_birth`, `Member`.`sexual_orientation`, `Member`.`story`, `Member`.`first_name`, `Member`.`last_name`, `Member`.`created`, `Member`.`modified`, `Member`.`last_active`, `Member`.`display_name`, `Member`.`super_admin`, `Member`.`deleted`, `Image`.`id`, `Image`.`image_path`, `Image`.`thumbnail_path`, `Image`.`member_id`, `Image`.`profile_image`, `Image`.`album_id`, `Image`.`page_id`, `Image`.`created`, `Image`.`modified` FROM `pages` AS `Page` LEFT JOIN `members` AS `Member` ON (`Page`.`member_id` = `Member`.`id`) LEFT JOIN `images` AS `Image` ON (`Image`.`page_id` = `Page`.`id`) WHERE `featured` = 1 AND `published` = 1 ORDER BY `Page`.`top_article_count` ASC, `Page`.`created` DESC LIMIT 5554
61SELECT `PagesComment`.`id`, `PagesComment`.`page_id`, `PagesComment`.`member_id`, `PagesComment`.`text`, `PagesComment`.`created`, `PagesComment`.`deleted` FROM `pages_comments` AS `PagesComment` WHERE `PagesComment`.`page_id` IN (100063, 100061, 100060, 100066, 100064) ORDER BY `PagesComment`.`created` DESC 000
62SELECT `Tag`.`id`, `Tag`.`tag`, `Tag`.`created`, `Tag`.`modified`, `PagesTag`.`page_id`, `PagesTag`.`tag_id` FROM `tags` AS `Tag` JOIN `pages_tags` AS `PagesTag` ON (`PagesTag`.`page_id` IN (100063, 100061, 100060, 100066, 100064) AND `PagesTag`.`tag_id` = `Tag`.`id`) WHERE 1 = 1 38381
63UPDATE `pages` AS `Page` LEFT JOIN `members` AS `Member` ON (`Page`.`member_id` = `Member`.`id`) SET `Page`.`top_article_count` = 9969 WHERE `Page`.`id` = 10006310
64SELECT COUNT(*) AS `count` FROM `friends` AS `Friend` LEFT JOIN `members` AS `Requestor` ON (`Friend`.`member_id` = `Requestor`.`id`) LEFT JOIN `members` AS `Requestee` ON (`Friend`.`friend_id` = `Requestee`.`id`) WHERE `Friend`.`approved` = 0 AND `Friend`.`rejected` = 0 AND `Friend`.`ignored` = 0 AND `Friend`.`friend_id` IS NULL 111
65SELECT COUNT(*) AS `count` FROM `friends` AS `Friend` LEFT JOIN `members` AS `Requestor` ON (`Friend`.`member_id` = `Requestor`.`id`) LEFT JOIN `members` AS `Requestee` ON (`Friend`.`friend_id` = `Requestee`.`id`) WHERE `Friend`.`approved` = 0 AND `Friend`.`rejected` = 0 AND `Friend`.`ignored` = 0 AND `Friend`.`friend_id` IS NULL AND `Friend`.`viewed` = 0 110
66SELECT `HeSaidSheSaid`.`id`, `HeSaidSheSaid`.`page_seo`, `HeSaidSheSaid`.`question`, `HeSaidSheSaid`.`hesaid_text`, `HeSaidSheSaid`.`shesaid_text`, `HeSaidSheSaid`.`published`, `HeSaidSheSaid`.`created`, `HeSaidSheSaid`.`modified` FROM `he_said_she_saids` AS `HeSaidSheSaid` WHERE 1 = 1 ORDER BY `created` DESC LIMIT 1110
67SELECT COUNT(*) AS `count` FROM `he_said_she_saids_comments` AS `HeSaidSheSaidsComment` LEFT JOIN `he_said_she_saids` AS `HeSaidSheSaid` ON (`HeSaidSheSaidsComment`.`he_said_she_said_id` = `HeSaidSheSaid`.`id`) LEFT JOIN `members` AS `Member` ON (`HeSaidSheSaidsComment`.`member_id` = `Member`.`id`) WHERE `he_said_she_said_id` = 5 AND `comment_type` = 1 110
68SELECT COUNT(*) AS `count` FROM `he_said_she_saids_comments` AS `HeSaidSheSaidsComment` LEFT JOIN `he_said_she_saids` AS `HeSaidSheSaid` ON (`HeSaidSheSaidsComment`.`he_said_she_said_id` = `HeSaidSheSaid`.`id`) LEFT JOIN `members` AS `Member` ON (`HeSaidSheSaidsComment`.`member_id` = `Member`.`id`) WHERE `he_said_she_said_id` = 5 AND `comment_type` = 2 110