tjb942us
Gender: Female
Location: Greeley, CO
Relationship Status: Divorced
Birthday: May 14th 1974
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Member Since: October 25th 2009
My Story:
I met my husband at the age of 18 and we were married shortly after, I loved him for a long time. About 9 years ago he tried to cheat on me and I caught him, forgave him ( I thought) and we tried to move on. He did it a second time and most recently a third. He stood in our kitchen a year ago and told me he loved her and was leaving me for her. Days later he was on his knees begging for forgiveness but he refused any outside help and was convinced that the problem was not him but me. He then informed me that he could not support the fact that I to college two years ago and he wanted me to go back to working full-time.
After 17 years of marriage, he moved out this past August and I discovered the other woman has since moved from California to be closer to him. I have realized how much he truly controlled me and I feel free. We are all happier including my kids, its amazing. I will continue through college and earn my bachelors degree, this will not stop me.
I am here to learn to forgive him for all of his infidelity and to quit blaming myself for not being the good/perfect wife.
Survey Responses
What went wrong?Money/Financial Concerns:, Infidelity:, Poor Communication:, Change in Priorities, Addictions:
Would you remarry?No
How many years were you married (or committed together)?16
At what age did you get divorced?35
How many children did you have with your ex-spouse?2
How many times have you been married?1
Education: Associated Degree
Religion: Christian / Non-Denominational
What type of relationship do you have with your ex-spouse: Good: no hard feelings
My Friends (3)
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AmeliaApple
Dallas, TX -
MomOfTwo
Cleveland, OH -
wam926
Sykesville, MD
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tjb942us (1 month ago) Forgiveness....yes that is my biggest obstical, I thought I was progressing in that direction then...I found out that they have been seeing eachother for months and she even moved back to CO to be with him. I have such an intense hatred for her, she took advantage of our situation. I tell myself they are perfect for eachother, her first husband left her due to her cheating and my husband cheated on me. I really want to get past all this anger, I have been through therapy and it helped to a point (showed me that it wasn't all my fault like my ex kept telling me it was). I begining to think that I need to return to church and God. I think its important that my boys see me forgive and get past all this anger that I have towards their dad and this woman. Part of me wants to hate her forever.
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MomOfTwo (1 month ago) tjb - Forgiveness is a tough one, but it does sound like you've forgiven the most important person...you. Sometimes we feel like it was our failure that led our spouse to someone else, but that was there choice. It is important to "own up" to our own failings in the marriage, learn from them and then let go. I think that religion can help us in a time like this as thinking of others instead of ourselves, being a community, and being thankful for our blessings that we do have can all make our problems seems smaller. From the way you describe your husband, he treated you very poorly, so there is no need to hate her. She will likely be experiencing the same thing as you when he tires of having a "real" relationship and looks for his next "escape". Good luck.
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tjb942us (2 months ago) My soon ex husband decided to have the divorce talk via text message, I could not believe it! I have asked him many times to sit down with me so we can talk about it and he decides to avoid conflict and emotion and text me!? I was surprised.
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AmeliaApple (2 months ago) This is atrocious behavior! No matter what has transpired in a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, breaking up in a text is unacceptable! On the positive side, at least, perhaps, this provides greater insight into is "maturity" level and ability to be in a successful relationship. I'm so sorry you had that happen.
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MomOfTwo (2 months ago) OMG! How old is he...13? My niece has had boyfriends break up with her via text, but a grown man in a 16 year marriage should know better. Good luck to you in making it through this process.
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paulmwd (1 month ago) While going through my divorce, I was intensely focused on my soon-to-be ex. I was SO angry and frustrated and disappointed and (so I thought) powerless. I couldn't stop thinking about her and what she was doing. I felt she had violated my trust, broken our vows, and in a way LIED to me. Then I recalled sometihng I had read many years earlier in Stephen Covey's book, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" (which, by the way, is one of the BEST worst-named books in the world!) that had to do with being Enemy-Centered. At the time I read it, I thought, why would one ever be centered (focused, preoccupied) with your enemy?! Then my wief left me. I'd suggest you take a look at pages 32-35 and 111-128 in this book and see how they can inform your thinking and what the idea offers in terms of a new way to process and look at life within and beyond your divorce. Peace.